Genius In Love
by sand-nin-gurl
Summary: The Sand Trio arrives in Konoha to assist in the capture of Sasuke, and Shikamaru is rescued by Temari. But when he starts to see his old opponent in a new light, can he get her out of his head, or express his feelings? (Horrible summary... just read.)
1. How It All Started

**Genius In Love**

Yo! I have returned with yet another story!! This one is mostly about Shika and Temari, since I don't think I made anything really clear in the other fan fics. This one takes place before A Night To Remember, and starts off after Shikamaru and his team come back with Sasuke. I hope you all enjoy! REVIEW! This will be a chapter production!! Muhahahaha.

BTW, I had, like, the BEST rice dish last night. I'm a vegetarian, so my meals are limited in a house full of carnivores, and my mom usually just gets me microwavable rice dishes. This time, she got me one called '4 Cheese Delights.' It's rice, with four different kinds of cheeses, and it's really good. I suggest you try it.

Kyuubi: Why do you keep telling these people about your pathetic life? It's not like anyone's listening.

S.N.G: -.- Shut up. No one likes you.

Kyuubi: (chooses to ignore that comment; claps hands) Fan fic starts now!

Disclaimer: If I actually DID own this manga, do you think Yashamaru and Gaara's 'father' would have lived that long?

* * *

**Chapter One: How it all started...**

"Temari! From above!" Kankurou shouted from the waiting room.

Shikamaru sighed inwardly. Why did that freak have to go and throw his plan? Was that even allowed...?

Temari looked up, alarmed by her brother's call, and then grew confused. _**What...?!**_ She looked down. Her eyes widened. _**Oh, no!** _She quickly jumped back a few paces to avoid the new shadow.

"You won't escape!" Shikamaru shouted, his hands forming the hand–seal for the Shadow-bind Jutsu.

**A FEW SECONDS LATER!**

"What happened?" Kankurou asked from the waiting room, as if expecting Shikamaru to pop up and inform him.

"Why... won't my body move? The shadow couldn't have reached this far..." Temari said shakily, her hands moving against her will to hang at her sides and she straightened up, also against her will.

"I'll show you what's behind you," Shikamaru called, turning his head.

Temari turned her head in time with his and gasped. A thin, stick-like shadow was creeping out of a tunnel in the ground!

"You noticed?" Shikamaru called. "That's the hole Naruto dug and ambushed in the previous match. It's connected to the large hole in front of you."

"No way..." Temari whispered, her head still turned, as his was. "The shadow inside the tunnel..."

"Exactly." Shikamaru looked almost huffy.

_**It can't be!**_ Temari thought suddenly, her brain being called into action. _**The shadow from the shirt balloon was just a diversion so he could push me back towards the other hole!**_ She turned her head when he let her, and starred at him. _**This guy...**_

Temari, trying her hardest not to, walked towards Shikamaru as he walked towards her, their arms swinging in the same movement. _**He's going to attack now!**_ she thought, desperately trying to use her will to stop herself, but to no avail. She groaned, trying to hold herself back as h raised his arm. _**He's going to hit me!**_

"I quit."

Temari went temporarily bug-eyed. "W-what?!"

"I give up," he repeated. "I used too much chakra, performing the Jutsu so many times. I thought up another 200 strategies, but they all took too much time. One match is enough for me."

The examiner smirked. "Winner: Temari!"

Temari felt her will return to her as he let up the Jutsu. Her shoulders slumped slightly at the sudden weight.

"Aah! What a waste!" Ino shouted in the stands, her fingers itching as if she wanted to kill something. "It was his one chance to become a Chuunin!"

Chouji chuckled beside her. "That's just who he is."

Temari sniffed in slight annoyance and retraced her steps back to her fan and yanked it out of the ground as the annoying blond kid ran over to her opponent and started... well... being loud. The last thing she heard from them before jumping up into the waiting room was Shikamaru's bored voice stating, "Now we are going to walk up the stairs... slowly." She grinned slightly when she heard the loud kid cry, "You're not still pissed about me pushing you before, are you?!"

_**What an interesting guy,**_ she thought, landing next to her brothers.

**A little later into the story...**

_**Dammit, I can't think of a good plan!**_ Shikamaru thought desperately as Tayuya drew nearer. Before he could work up a good sweat, however, she was suddenly swept up in a small tornado, narrowly missing Shikamaru. Shikamaru's eyes widened. _**What the hell?**_ he thought as someone jumped in front of him.

"Who the hell are you?!" Tayuya shouted, regaining herself as the winds let up.

"I'm an ally of the leaf," the someone said in a smirking, I'm-so-much-better-then-you voice. "Of the Shinobi of the Sand."

Shikamaru went temporarily bug-eyed. His old opponent stood before him, her huge fan spread out behind her, an instant red light. _**What the hell was she going here?**_

"So," she said, catching his attention from her new, purple outfit. "Are you just going to give up again? Well, I'm just going to finish this myself, then."

Shikamaru scoffed. "Sorry, but no can do. I can't stand being protected by a woman."

Temari scoffed. "Still babbling about that man and woman crap? I can tell that's Dutch courage, dim-wit!"

"You're with the Leafs now?" Tayuya hissed, raising her flute. "Indecisive, aren't we?"

_**I should probably warn her,**_ Shikamaru mused. "She controls illusions with the sounds of the flute."

"Got it," Temari said, yanking her fan out from where she had stuck it in the tree.

The demon raised her fingers to begin her music, but was cut off.

"_Dai Kamaitachi No Jutsu!_" Temari gave the fan one air-breaking sweep as bone-breaking winds filled the space between herself and Tayuya, blowing her back. Shikamaru's eyes widened. Even though he was standing behind Temari, thus out of her range, he could still feel the air-chopping winds as they broke through the space. He quickly raised his arms to shield his face, waiting for it to be over.

_**That thing can deflect the sound of the flute and inflict physical damage at the same time,**_ he thought as the winds slowly died down. _**She can attack and defend at the same time! Damn, that's a good move... unlike mine. Dammit.**_

"Looks like this bitch is hiding," Temari stated. "Or has she fled?"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes at her over confidence. "No. Not possible."

"But _**I **_just arrived," she said, smirking.

"After a rough analysis of this creature's fighting style, let me explain out current situation," Shikamaru said defiantly. "First of all, her basic strategy is to use the sound of the flute to apply Genjutsu, then using physical attacks on top of that. I'm afraid as soon as she sees your Jutsu, she will immediately her Jutsus will be stopped. Moreover, the stand is 2 to 1. She's not going to show herself until she's assembled a whole new line of Genjutsu."

"Sound..." Temari murmured, sounding confused.

"Ah, Genjutsu is normally aimed at one's senses," Shikamaru supplied. "Sight, smell, hearing, touch, taste... it traps the victim in chaos. Among these, the Genjutsu that uses sound proves to be the most confusing. For that guy, as long as she keeps her distance and keeps herself concealed, whenever she starts a new Genjutsu, we won't know anything. If we use the sound of the flute to track her down, we'll already be under her control." Shikamaru groaned as he snapped his broken finger back into place. (A/N: Ewww!) "Ugh! It hurts!"

Temari sighed, leaning on her fan, waiting for him to continue.

_**Not a caring individual,**_ he thought. "If you ask me, we're at a total disadvantage in this situation. At this rate, we'll be forced into an even more difficult situation, so maybe we should first retreat—"

"Who asked for your help?" she asked, interrupting him. "I only asked for you to explain the current situation."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow as she bit down on her thumb, drawing a line on the folds of her fan with her own blood. Ew. "Don't underestimate me. In front of me... hiding behind the sound of the flute? Too naïve!"

Shikamaru fell back as she waved her fan, muttering, "_Summon... Kirikiri mai!_" A long, evil looking weasel with a scythe and a bandaged eye appeared before her in a burst of smoke.

Another tornado of wind swept through the trees, cutting and destroying, but Shikamaru didn't see it, as he had his eyes closed and his arms up to shield his face. So, when he opened his eyes, he got a big surprise.

In a hundred foot radius all around the two of them, all of the trees had their tops cut clean off, and, somewhere in the midst of the rubble, was Tayuya, the life crushed out of her by several falling logs.

"Well..." Temari said, leaning on her fan with one arm. "It's the end."

_**What a tough one. She's a woman even scarier then my own mother,**_ Shikamaru thought miserably.

"What do you think?" she asked, turning and giving him a broad smile.

Shikamaru starred at her for a moment, then smiled back. _**Well... I guess it's alright. I really need to thank her this time.**_

**Present time: a few weeks later**

_**So,**_ Shikamaru mused, going over these memories in his head, _**it's no wonder I can't get her out of my head.**_

* * *

A/N: grin So, tell me what you think! I'm not really expecting any reviews on this, and I know that's a horrible way to end the chapter, but I promise, if you review, I will update soon, and the plot will thicken! Nod. Nod. Nod. .

Kyuubi: Curl up and die, bitch, no one likes this pairing.

S.N.G: grumble grumble...

Ok, now.

Look down.

See the button?

Isn't it cute?

It's so cute, I know you want to push it.

PUSH IT!


	2. How Troublesome

**Genius In Love**

Ohayo! Sorry it took me so long to get this! I was working on my other fan fics... and I sort of forgot about this one after a while.

From this point on, I won't be "recollecting events" as one reader put it. From now on, it's cold, hard "I made it up" stuff. By the way, I have no idea what Shikamaru's parents' names are, so I just made up a name for his dad. Anyone with any name for his mom, PLEASE TELL ME!!! I NEED HELP!

Kyuubi: That sounded... so pathetic.

S.N.G.: shut up...

Anyway, I'm downloading this at the library because my computer is all whacko. We've been using dial-up (sob) and we tried to get DSL, but the DSL wasn't connected to our computer, blah blah blah. So, my sister is trying to get it to work. And I have a feeling that when I check my mail, if anyone has protested about the long wait, I'll be attacked by reviews, and emails from my friends wondering where the hell I've been. Hehe.

Notes:

Again, well-aware of Temari being the oldest

This is my version of what happened, I have no idea what happened

Ramen rules

Reviews save lives

* * *

**Chapter Two: How Troublesome... **

Shikamaru and Temari jumped from tree to tree the way she had come, in search of Shikamaru's comrades.

"Kankurou, Gaara and I split up somewhere around here," Temari called, coming to a stop on a large oak. "They should be coming back soon." Sighing heavily, she yanking her fan out of her belt and sat down against the tree trunk, laying her fan across her knees.

Shikamaru sat down a little further down the branch, his legs on either side, and sighed as well. "This is all too troublesome," he stated bluntly.

"Temari!" called a voice from a nearby tree. The spiky-haired blonde looked up, as did Shikamaru. Kankurou stood on a nearby tree, Kiba's arm draped across his shoulders, supporting him. Kiba clung to Akamaru like his life depended on it.

"Shikamaru!" Kiba called, although he looked exhausted.

"What happened to you?" Shikamaru asked, not moving from his spot as Kankurou jumped between him and Temari and set Kiba down on the branch.

"That guy I fought was a lot tougher then I thought," Kiba admitted. "Turns out the head behind his was his brother's, and they could split into two people whenever they wanted. They had a lot of really scary Jutsus, and I probably would have died if this guy didn't come in time." He gestured to Kankurou, who shrugged, sitting on a branch near theirs.

"Where's Gaara?" Temari asked her older brother.

Again, Kankurou shrugged. "Beats me. The only thing he told me was that he was going to help an old friend."

"Who?" Temari asked.

"I didn't ask." Kankurou took his puppet off his back (Where does he keep the other one?) and set it next to him on the branch, then lay back, starring at the trees. Shikamaru noticed that, while Temari had a new outfit (A/N: I love her outfit!), Kankurou only had a new design of war paint on his face, and still wore his old outfit.

Temari sighed and sat back against the tree trunk again.

"We should go find the others," Shikamaru stated. "We left Chouji and Neji somewhere along the way with the other Sound Nins."

"We will," Temari answered. "But we should wait for Gaara, since he can make stretchers and carry them if they're injured."

Shikamaru sighed. He wasn't keen on waiting any longer, for once, since there was a very good chance that, if Neji and Chouji hadn't caught up with them already, they were probably injured, or unconscious, and he didn't want them to have to suffer for long. They were his friends and teammates, after all.

He didn't have to wait long, however, as a loud shout told them Lee was near at hand. Looking up, they saw him bouncing from one tree to the next, with Gaara in a slow pursuit.

"Hello, Shikamaru!" Lee cried, landing next to him on the branch. "I have come to assist you in any way I can!"

"Hello, Lee," Shikamaru said in a bored voice. Turning to the redheaded Sand Nin, he asked, "Could you make a stretcher for Kiba?"

Gaara nodded, sanding flowing out of his gourd and creeping under Kiba, who started to protest, but shut up when he remember he was too tired to even walk. The six of them then retraced their steps until they came to a clearing. Shikamaru gasped when he realized why they had come to a stop. "Neji!"

He quickly jumped down next to his teammate, and suppressed a groan, but found he couldn't hold back a grimace when he saw a large hole through the Hyuuga's chest. He quickly checked for a pulse, and was relieved when he found one, faint but steady.

"This one, too," he said over his shoulder to Gaara, standing up. "Leave the other one. He's dead."

Gaara nodded again and picked Neji up with another stretcher of sand, barely moving the injured Ninja a centimeter as he picked him up. With Neji collected, they went off in search of Chouji, who Shikamaru was the most concerned about. _Chouji... please don't be..._

"Do you have any idea where the other one is?" Temari asked, jumping from tree to tree beside Shikamaru.

Shikamaru nodded. "I made a mark in a tree trunk somewhere towards the edge of the forest, signaling where we would be headed. Hopefully, he'll be somewhere around there."

"I saw those," she commented. "But not fat-ass."

"Don't say the f-word around him," Shikamaru suggested.

Every so often, they passed a mark on a tree trunk, for Shikamaru had made several. But there was no sign of Chouji. Finally, reaching the last mark, Shikamaru began to despair. _Chouji..._

"Hey!" Lee cried suddenly, jumping down next to the tree with the mark. "Shikamaru-kun!"

Shikamaru jumped down next to him, wondering what the hell was the matter with the green-clad (freakishly weird/cool) boy.

He saw at once.

"Chouji!" Shikamaru shouted, squatting down next to his spiky-haired friend. "Chouji, you—Lee." He glared at his fellow Leaf-nin. "That's not Chouji."

"Yeah it is," Kiba said weakly, peeking over his stretcher. "I can smell him. He reeks of beef barbeque."

Shikamaru looked down at the unconscious Chouji.

"What happened to his... um... F-rolls?" Kankurou asked, jumped down next to Shikamaru and Lee.

"The technique he uses probably spent all his fat in order to use it," Shikamaru supplied. "He'll gain it back, though."

"Well, until then, Kankurou is the fattest ninja around," Temari stated, jumped down (surprisingly close) next to Shikamaru.

Kankurou glared. "I am not fat!"

"No, you're just 'well-rounded'?" Shikamaru asked, on reflex.

"Ye—N—STOP CONFUSING ME!" Kankurou snapped, stomping away.

Sand curled under Chouji's limp, trimmed body, lifting him up into the air on another stretcher. Now, all they had to do was find Naruto and Sasuke.

"Where is Uzumaki Naruto?" Gaara asked bluntly, jumping a few paces behind the others with the three stretchers.

"He's with Sasuke," Shikamaru answered darkly, not looking back, although he knew Temari sent him an unsure look. "We can't help him now."

"He's dead?!" Kankurou shouted, looking bewildered.

"I don't know!" Shikamaru snapped.

Of course, Naruto wasn't dead. He wasn't stupid enough to die. He was stupid enough to be annoying, but not stupid enough to die. They met up with Sasuke at the edge of the forest, conveniently curse-mark free, with an unconscious Naruto slung over his shoulder. When asked what had happened, however, Sasuke didn't answer, but simply jumped away towards the hospital.

The three Sand Nins looked at Shikamaru for instruction.

"Hospital," he answered, following Sasuke. _Sasuke..._ he thought darkly. _Naruto had better just be tired... or else._

Tsunade was appalled when they brought the unconscious Nins to the hospital. Chouji and Shikamaru's wounds were minimal, with only a few second-degree burns and depleted chakra, in Chouji's case, and a broken finger, in Shikamaru's case. It was Neji and Kiba she was worried about.

"Kiba hit his small intestine and broke a rib when he stabbed himself," she mused, examining the dog-using Shinobi. "The loss of blood and body fluid could be fatal." Moving to the next bed, she frowned slightly. "Neji, on the other hand, didn't get any vital organs hit, and only suffers from lack of blood. He got some rest, though, and some of his chakra returned."

"Can you fix them?" Shikamaru asked as Shizune healed his finger.

"Kiba will require a small operation, but yes, I can," she answered, shooting him a reassuring grin. "Chouji and Neji may be unconscious, but they were very brave. They took on two of Orochimaru's strongest Nins single-handedly and killed them. I'll be sure and honor you all after everyone is healed."

"Even us?" Temari asked from where she was seated with her brothers across the room from them.

Tsunade nodded. "The treaties with the Sand have been re-erected. You three have been a great assistance."

"As if we had a choice," Kankurou muttered, tinkering with his puppets. "Ow!" He rubbed his head where Temari had promptly thwacked him. "Ow..."

"Lee," Tsunade said to the green-clad Shinobi, holding out a bottle. "You forgot this."

Lee looked appalled. "I thought I had actually taken my medicine," he said sadly, taking the bottle from her. "I wondered why I was doing so well..."

"But there's still one small matter," Tsunade continued, as Lee drank his medicine.

"What's that?" Lee asked, wiping his mouth.

"Until we can secure a temporary residence for you three," Tsunade gestured to the three Sand Nins, "we will need one of you," she nodded to the three conscious Leaf Nins (Sasuke, Lee and Shikamaru) "To provide a temporary residence."

"But it's his fault," Shikamaru groaned, pointing to Sasuke, who glared at him.

"I live in a one-bedroom apartment," Sasuke said in a cold monotone, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"I don't wanna live with him," Kankurou said at the same time.

Tsunade looked at Lee.

"My home has no spare rooms," he explained. "But if it did, I would ask my parents in an instant!" he shouted, making a pose.

Tsunade looked at Shikamaru.

Shikamaru sighed. "I'll ask my mom."

**At the Nara household...**

"Please, mom?" Shikamaru asked, trying his best to look pitiful.

Shikamaru's mom frowned, gripping a spoon as she crossed her arms. Shikamaru sat at the table before her, with his dad a few seats down, looking at them both fearfully.

"Honey—"

"Don't interrupt me, Shikaru," she snapped.

"Right, right..." Shikamaru's dad looked away, scratching his ear.

"How long will the Sand nins be staying, and how many of them are there?" Shikamaru's mom asked her son.

"The Fifth didn't say how long, just until they got them a temporary house, and there are three of them," Shikamaru answered at once.

She thought for a few minutes, twiddling her spoon; Shikamaru and Shikaru kept their eyes on it warily. "I suppose," she said, after a few minutes, "they could stay for a few weeks. How many boys are there?"

"Two, and one girl," he answered. "But one of the boys doesn't sleep," he added.

"Then the other one can share a room with you and the girl can have the guest room," she said decidedly. "Go get your room ready and make a space for an extra bed."

Shikamaru sighed. "Hai, hai..." he groaned, getting up and walking slowly upstairs.

"What was that?"

"Nothing!" He ran upstairs.

**Later...**

Shikamaru sighed heavily, going up the stairs to the Hokage's office. _Damn, why did this village have to have so many stairs?_ Tsunade's assistant, when he saw Shikamaru, nodded and waved towards the office door.

"Hokage-sama is expecting you."

"Great." Shikamaru groaned audibly, pushing open the door. "Ohayo..."

"Sit down, Shikamaru," Tsunade said, gesturing to a chair across from her. A glance around the room showed that the Sand Nins were seated across from her, as well, looking bored.

"My mom said it was ok," Shikamaru stated, seating down and draping his arms over the back of his chair lazily.

"I don't want a room," Gaara stated at once.

"It's not like you'd use one, anyway," Kankurou muttered.

"Well, that's good, 'cause we didn't give you one, no offense," Shikamaru said with a nervous laugh. "Temari has her own room and Kankurou has to share a room with me. Separate beds," he added, before Kankurou could look disgusted.

"That's fine," Temari said, running her fingers over the smooth surface of her fan.

"Is there anywhere to train?" Kankurou asked, playing with Karasu's fingers slightly. "I need to work on my Kugustu No Jutsu."

"There's some woods and a field behind the house," Shikamaru answered, scratching his head tiredly. "Those puppets aren't going in my room, by the way."

Temari snickered as Kankurou almost whined, "Why not?"

"Because, first of all, the one there looks like Chuckie," (A/N: "Rude fckin' doll...") "and I don't want to have to wake up with nightmares. Second, it's embarrassing to have dolls in a guy's room, and thirdly, it's my room."

"Ok, look," Kankurou snapped. "First of all, his name is Karasu, not 'Chuckie'—" (said in a mocking voice) "—and second of all, I've been sleeping with him in my room for years now and I've never had any nightmares. And thirdly, I don't want to share a room with you, anyway!"

"Well, since you're all getting along so well," Tsunade said sarcastically, holding out a sealed piece of paper to Shikamaru, "this is a letter to your parents explaining the situation in full. Tell them I said thanks."

Shikamaru sighed, pocketing the letter. "Yeah, whatever... Bye." The four of them walked out.

"This was nice of you," Temari commented once they were out of the office.

"Hmm." Shikamaru felt his cheeks reddening.

Kankurou gave his sister a sideways glance.

"How did you become a Chuunin?" Gaara asked, noticing Shikamaru's vest.

"Don't ask me, I didn't want to," Shikamaru said huffily. "But I didn't really get a choice in it. It was an 'Oh, by the way, you're a Chuunin,' sort of thing."

Temari laughed. In a different tone, she snapped, "Shut up, Kankurou, before the annoyed puppeteer could open his mouth.

"What?!"

**That night...**

"Dammit," Kankurou groaned, rolling over on the futon Shikamaru had laid out for him on the floor next to the younger nin's bed. There was a moment of silence, then he rolled over again. "Dammit..." Roll over. "Dammit..." Roll over. "Dammit..." Flipped over his pillow. "Dammit..."

"Go to sleep, already!"

* * *

All done! So far, anyway. Up next, Kan-kun tries to train... but he's being watched! By who?! And then, Clash of the Women: Temari and Shikamaru's mom collide! Ha ha ha!

BTW, I'm working on a Q&A thing, so if you have any questions, I'm putting this up on all my fan fics, so review and ask me stuff, on any fan fics. Although it would be a lot less confusing if you told me what chapter it was, and whatnot. Okie? Ok, I love you all!


	3. Clouds Give Inspiration

**Genius In Love**

I ISH SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT!!!!!!! We have internet access now, so I can actually do this (yay).

I hope this chappie is worth the wait, sorry if there are an mistakes, my spell check is down, now i must go and UPLOAD OTHER STORIES!!! (eyes gleam lee-style)

**Chapter Three: Clouds give Inspiration**

Shikamaru groaned, slumping down the stairs, tripping down the last three to land in a heap in the broom closet at the bottom.

"Groan."

Temari laughed, following him down the stairs. "Sleep well?" she asked, pulling him out of the closet.

"Obviously not."

They jumped, turning. Gaara sat in the living room on the sofa, watching TV.

"He has bags under his eyes, has obvious distorted vision, and can't seem to balance himself." Gaara turned back to the TV. "Sleep depravation."

"I don't know why, 'cause I slept like a baby," Kankurou said, almost cheerfully, jumped down the spiral stair case.

"I know," Shikamaru snapped as Temari pulled him into the kitchen.

"Come on, I made--ACK!" Temari yelped as they entered the kitchen.

Shikamaru's mom stood at the sink, running the disposal. Shikamaru caught a glimpse of a sausage, eggs and fried rice dish going down the drain.

"Hey! I made that for--" Temari trailed off, blushing a light pink.

"I tried it. It tasted horrible." Shikamaru's mom glared at her, turning the disposal off. "Garbage like that isn't going to be at my table. I made breakfast myself."

"Thank god..." Kankurou almost sobbed, sitting down at the table as Shikamaru's mom (whose name is now officially Kibishii) set a plate of fried rice, scrambled eggs and sausages. "I'm so sick of eating junk every day."

Temari glared at him, then looked down at her plate. "Hey!" she cried suddenly, pointing at the food. "This is the same thing I made!"

"That food IS what you made. I thought you'd like it," Kibishii answered, giving Shikamaru a plate of food, as well.

Temari starred at her. Kankurou ignored it, wolfing down his food; Gaara paid no attention, slowly chewing his food and watching Kankurou make a fool out of himself, almost eating his plate in his hunger. Only Shikamaru noticed, in mid-chew. Glancing at his mother, he saw her back was turned, getting Shikaru's plate ready.

"Hey," Shikamaru said out of the corner of his mouth.

"Huh?" Temari, who was next to him, looked up. "What?"

"Trade plates with me," he ordered, pushing his plate towards her.

Temari's eyes widened for a few moments. "No, that's ok--"

"Take it," he ordered, taking her plate anyway and replacing it with his own before his mother could turn around.

Gaara, noticing this, raised an eyebrow.

Temari did so, as well, as Shikamaru took a large bite of eggs.

(BARF!) Shikamaru fought hard to keep his mouth shut. He gave Temari a small smile around his puffed out cheeks. "It's good," he said through a mouthful of egg. "Tasty."

Temari smiled happily. "Really?"

He nodded, swallowing and taking a sausage to prove his point. "Nice and... chewy. Crunchy. Just the way I like it."

Temari's eyes literally shined. "Thanks!" she whispered, beginning to eat.

Shikamaru ran upstairs as soon as the older Sand Nins were out of the house.

_Who knew something so small and insignificant... could be so harmful and deadly?_ he gasped, his head in the toilet.

Gaara shook his head, watching the shadow-user run upstairs. _I knew it_.

* * *

"..." Kankurou frowned, looking around. "This looks pretty good," he mused, unstrapping his puppets from his back.

After about a half hour of training, he felt eyes on him. Kankurou whirled around. "Temari, go away!"

It was not Temari.

It was...

A deer.

Chewing grass.

_What the..._

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I get it. Harmless woodland creature. I gotcha."

He went back to training.

**Ten minutes later**

Kankurou turned around.

The deer was still there.

In the same position.

Chewing grass.

"Whatever." He went back to training.

**Five minutes later**

Kankurou glanced back.

Yep.

Still there.

Chewing grass.

"Harmless woodland creature," he repeated, going back to training.

**Two minutes later**

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!"

**Later that day...**

Shikamaru yawned hugely, his hands behind his head, lying in the field behind his house, watching clouds. Kankurou had long since finished his training, so Shikamaru had the field to himself, alone with his favorite pastime.

Or, so he thought.

"Hey."

He lifted his head slightly, looking up. Temari gave him a small smile, setting her fan down as she sat down herself next to him.

"What's up?"

She shrugged. "I got sort of bored with training. It's kind of hard when you use tornados and you can't destroy anything," she explained. "It sort of limits my training."

He shrugged, laying back again, starring at the clouds.

"What are you doing?" she asked, curling her feet under her.

"Starring at the clouds, daydreaming and hoping the world passes me by and my mom doesn't find me," he answered lazily.

She laughed. "I get it." She laid down next to him. "We don't really get that much of a chance to do stuff like this at home."

"Why not?" He glanced over at her. Her emerald eyes reflected the clouds.

Temari shrugged. "We're always training, or going on missions. Plus, it's hard to see clouds in the desert; there's always sand flying around."

"You don't have clouds?!" Shikamaru shouted, jumping up, surprisingly fast for him. "How do you live at that place?!"

Temari looked scared for a few minutes, then shrugged. "I don't know. I've always lived there, so I guess I never actually questioned it."

Shikamaru, however, continued to look appalled. "But, seriously!"

Temari just grinned.

**The next day...**

Shikamaru looked at his plate as he sat down. "Wow, mom, is this actually food?"

Kibishii glared at him. "Your little friend made that for you."

Shikamaru face-faulted as Temari chose that time to enter the room. "Wow, mom!" he recovered loudly. "This looks REALLY good!" Then, wishing he could die right then and there, he sat down and began to eat.

"Holy crap," Kankurou stated, sitting down across from Shikamaru. "That looks like the stuff Temari made us."

"Really?" Shikamaru said around a mouthfull of (was it really eggs?) food. "I couldn't tell."

Kankurou began to grow suspicious.

**Later...**

Kankurou ran into the kitchen, looking as if all hell were chasing him.

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow from where he was looking for some medicine for stomach pains. "What's wrong with you?"

"WHY ARE THERE SO MANY 'INNOCENT WOODLAND CREATURES' IN THIS VILLAGE?!" Kankurou shouted, his face blue from having ran so fast.

"Huh?" (Eyebrow raised)

"THE THINGS WITH THE STICKS ON THEIR HEADS!"

"The deer?"

"YEAH THOSE!" Kankurou nodded energetically. "I read about them in the book about this village! They sit and wait until you're all nonexpecting, and then, BANG!" He assumed a dramatic, low voice. "_They suck out your soul_!"

If it were physically possible, Shikamaru's eyebrow would have left his head in it's quest to get higher.

"Are you for real?"

"YES, I'M FOR REAL!"

"Why are you so afraid of them if they're 'harmless woodland creatures'?" Shikamaru asked, forming quoations with his fingers.

"They're born with weapons on their heads!" Kankurou shouted frantically.

"And I'm not afraid," he added huffily.

* * *

Okie...

PLEASE DON'T HURT ME, MIDORI!!!! (falls on her knees) I DIDN'T MEAN FOR IT TO BE SO SHORT! IT WILL GET LONGER, I PROMISE!!!!!!!!!

Wait...

Does Midori actually read this...?

(ponders this while going off in search of the file for Catharsis, chappie 9)


	4. Demonic Deer Therapy

**Genius In Love**

Sorry for the long wait! I sort of forgot about this one... But I hope it's worth the wait. : )

I didn't get alot of reviews... but you all seemed to like the 'innocent woodland creatures' thing. That's going to go on for a while... Kankurou loses his mind, poor thing.

Also, I don't know if I put this in yet, but this is before Kyu and Rynn show up, before A.N.T.R. They might come by later... just a little bit. I mean, there had to be SOME reason why Kankurou went up to Kyu at Sasuke's birthday party, right?

Are you guys getting sick of all the Kyu stuff...? All my latest fan fics have been about her and Rynn plots. It's just that I like writing about them... If you guys have any ideas for fan fics you want me to write, lemme know, please? I need inspiration!

* * *

**Chapter Four: Demonic Deer Therapy**

"Gaara," Temari hissed, poking her brother on the arm.

"Temari," Gaara hissed back, continuing to read his book.

"I think something's wrong with Kankurou," Temari hissed.

"I've known that for a couple years, now." The hissing voices would persist.

"No, I mean...Look!" Temari pointed to the other side of the room.

Gaara looked up.

Kankurou was seated on the floor in a dark corner, his knees drawn up to his chest and his arms securing them, rocking back and forth. Ever so often, he muttered to himself, "Find a happy place... Find a happy place..."

Gaara looked back to his sister. "So? He's done that before."

"True... maybe we can help him like we did then." Temari got up from the sofa and went over to Kankurou. "Kankurou?"

"FIND A HAPPY PLACE!" He ducked his head, putting his arms over his neck.

Temari: (sweatdrop)

"Kankurou, bro, dude, amigo, team-mate," Temari began, forcing a smile, "Do you remember, four years ago, when we went to the circus, and--"

"What's wrong with Kankurou?" Shikamaru asked, entering the room at that moment.

"He's going through his stage of where he thinks innocent creatures and/or objects have a controling effect on people's brains," Gaara said automatically.

"How do you know that?" Temari asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Says so right here." Gaara showed them the cover of his book. The title was "How-To-Deal-With-Insane-Siblings For Dummies." (A/N: Copied from my sis. You should read her fic, 'Three Again.' I can't read it without falling off my chair from laughing.)

Temari and Shikamaru slowly backed away.

"Anyway, a few years ago, we took him to a circus for his birthday, and he thought Tubby the Clown was going to cook his eyes in cream sauce for the LONGEST time," Temari continued, "so we got therapy for him."

"They have therapy for stuff like that?" Shikamaru raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Therapy for Clown-phobic Individuals. As it turns out, they also have Therapy for Pink-phobic Individuals," Temari answered.

"Why would you need to know about that?" Gaara asked suspiciously.

"And they had a bunch of steps and stages they put him through, and now, he doesn't piss himself whenever he sees someone with a red, round nose," Temari said quickly, in a loud voice.

"What's the first step?" Shikamaru asked, eyebrow still raised in suspicition about the Pink-phobia Therapy.

"Facing Your Fears," Gaara answered, reading it in the book.

"He thinks the deer outside want to suck out his soul," Shikamaru provided.

Gaara and Temari backed slowly away from Kankurou.

"Ok, come on, dude," Shikamaru said, pulling Kankurou to his feet (or, at least, he was trying to. Kankurou seemed quite content to stay in his corner).

Temari moved to help him, and nearly fell over when Kankurou's weight was placed on her. "Kankurou..." she panted, "You have really gotta cut back on the pie."

**Outside...**

Shikamaru frowned, looking around the field Kankurou had used for his training. There wasn't a deer in sight. "Dammit, as soon as I want them, they're gone!"

Kankurou, meanwhile, was watching a butterfly fly around over their heads. The butterfly happened to fly behind them, and, as Kankurou leaned backwards to continue watching it, he came face to face with--

"AN INNOCENT WOODLAND CREATURE!"

A feminine scream followed.

"Looks like we have some work to do," Temari said thoughtfully, watching as Kankurou ran up a random tree with the speed of Speedy Gonzalez (A Speedy Gonzalez without chakra, or using hands, no less). She sighed and went up to the tree. "Kankurou?"

"MAKE IT GO AWAY, TEMARI, _MAKE IT GO AWAY_!" (immitating Ed from "Ed Edd and Eddy")

"..." Temari, Shikamaru and Gaara looked at each other.

"Come down and say hello to the nice, HARMLESS deer, Kankurou," Temari called.

"HELL, NO, DO YOU THINK I'M STUPID?!" Kankurou clung to the tree, koala style. "AS SOON AS I GET DOWN THERE, ONE OF THOSE DEER'RE GONNA SNATCH ME!"

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "...Snatch? Kankurou, they don't have hands."

"THAT'S WHAT _YOU_ THINK!"

"Kankurou," Gaara spoke up. "I am seriously looking at this deer," he demonstrated now, looking dead-straight at the deer, "and it honestly does not have hands to... snatch... you with."

"_YOU_ JUST CAN'T SEE THEM! YOU'RE BLIND! Y'ALL'RE BLIND!"

Gaara raised a nonexistent eyebrow (A/N: Has anyone besides me noticed at everyone uses the term 'nonexistent eyebrow' when describing the motion Gaara uses to show confusion/annoyance/interest/whatever? This is an odd thing... I shall have to think of something new...). "Kankurou, do I look blind to you?"

"Nope."

"Then I should be able to see the deer's hands if it had some, right?"

"Yep. You also should be able to see the horns and the blood caked on it's mouth, so I guess you probably are blind." Kankurou's face assumed a sudden horrified expression an he gripped the tree trunk as if his life depended on it. "I KNOW WHAT THIS IS!" he shouted, pointing at them. "YOU'VE ALREADY HAD YOUR SOULS SUCKED OUT OF YOUR BRAINS BY THE INNOCENT WOODLAND CREATURES AND

NOW YOU'RE TRYING TO DRIVE ME INSANE SO I'LL COME DOWN THERE ARE YOU CAN ATTACK ME!" He nodded knowingly. "Well, I'm onto your game now, _YOU WON'T GET MY SOUL, DAMMIT_!"

Shikamaru sighed. "I vote we go out for smoothies," he said, raising his hand as if voting.

"Agreed." Gaara walked out of the clearing, followed by Temari.

"YEAH THAT'S RIGHT!" Kankurou shouted. "RUNNIN' AWAY TO MEET WITH YOUR MASTER AND MAKE A NEW EVIL PLOT, 'CAUSE I ALREADY GUESSED YOURS, AREN'T YOU? RUN AWAY, YOU SERVANTS OF THE WOODLAND CREATURES!"

"Good bye, Kankurou." Temari left the clearing.

"Uh-huh, bye." Kankurou shifted slightly, getting into a better position. He glared down at the deer. "Y'HEAR THAT?! I'M ONTO YOU! YOU CAN'T FOOL ME! AND YOU CAN'T REACH ME UP HERE, EITHER! NYAH-NYAH!" He stuck his tongue out at them, pulling down his eyelid.

The deer had no reaction.

It chewed grass.

"DAMMIT, I FIGURED IT OUT!" Kankurou shouted insanely, pointing at the deer. "THAT MOVEMENT OF YOUR JAW HAS HYPNOTIC POWERS AND YOU'RE ATTEMPTING TO PLACE ME UNDER THE SAME SPELL YOU PLACED THE OTHERS! WELL, HAHA, I'M JUST TOO SMART FOR YOU, AREN'T I?!"

The deer continued to chew grass.

Kankurou made a point not to look at it. He wouldn't give it the satisfaction. Instead, he happened to look down.

"HOLY CRAP, THAT'S HIGH!"

**9:00 pm:**

"TEMARI?" Kankurou looked down at the hord of deer starring up at him, surrounding the tree.

**10:00 pm:**

"TEMARI, I'M SORRY! I KNOW YOU DON'T BELONG TO THE INNOCENT WOODLAND CREATURES!"

**12:00 pm:**

"DAMMIT, TEMARI, I SAID I WAS SORRY!"

**Even later that night...**

Kankurou glared daggers at the lump of blankets that was Shikamaru, waiting to make sure the shadow-user was fully asleep. _Dammit,_ he thought, glancing at the clock on Shikamaru's bedside table, the glow-in-the-dark hands illuminated, showing him that it was two am. _Go to sleep already!_ He sighed and shuffled slightly, rubbing his hands together for no reason. (The reason he is so calm is that he forgot all about the deer thing for the present time, due to the desperataion of the current situation)

A loud snore soon assured him that Shikamaru was, indeed, sound asleep.

_Finally! _Kankurou turned to his backpack. _Ok, where'd I put it... _He rummaged around in the contents before finding what he was looking for. _Aha! There you are! Now..._

Shikamaru frowned when he felt the light turn on. It wasn't morning already, was it? He turned his head towards the window.

"DON'T LOOK AT ME!"

"Eh?"

TWHACK!

Shikamaru frowned, fingering the bump on his head. "Dude, what the..."

Kankurou sat crouched over, his back to Shikamaru, huddled over something. "Go back to sleep!"

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "Dude."

"WHY ARE YOU STILL AWAKE?!"

"Because you're SCREAMING!" Shikamaru answered. "What are you hiding?"

"Nothing!"

"Liar."

"How would you know?!"

"Because you're facing a mirror."

Kankurou looked up. Sure enough, there was a full-length mirror before him. And there his reflection was, one half of his face make-up-less.

"DAMMIT, STILL DON'T LOOK AT ME!"

Shiakamaru's eyebrow raised even more as Kankurou dove under his bed. He shrugged and rolled over, closing his eyes. _Well that was the high-light of my evening._

* * *

Was that worth it? I hope so.

H-R literally broke a rib laughing over it. She thought it was so hilarious. She also gave me a few ideas.

BTW, I read the most HILARIOUS fan fic the other day. It was called Anko's Babysitting Services... or something. Anyway, it was about Irukapooka, and I reviewed and told her how i liked it and all. then, a few minutes later, when i checked my reviews, she'd reviewed one of my stories! Me so happy!! Also, I was looking through all my info things, like whose Author Awareness lists I'm on, and whatnot... turns out there's alot!

I don't want people to think I'm stuck up or anything that I try to find that sort of stuff out... It's just that when I don't get alot of reviews, my confidence starts to go down, and that sorta stuff really picks me up. Thankies! Alot of MY favorite authors are on those lists!

Here's a little quiz.

How many people only read my fan fics because they read my other ones and don't care if the story or summary I wrote sucks and just trust me?

If you can make sense out of that, answer it in a review, please...


	5. Construction Not drawing!

**Genius In Love**

Ah... gomen for the long wait!! Everyone semed to really get a kick outta the innocent woodland creatures... this Chappie comes with a pciture, btw, that I drew in Paint, so if you want to see it (and can guess what it is) gimme yer email!

* * *

**Chapter Five: Construction (Not drawing)**

Shikamaru came downstairs to the living room to find Temari and Gaara pouring over Gaara's book, _How-To-Deal-With-Insane-Siblings For Dummies. _That in it's self was a disturbing mental picture; however, it was complimented and explained by Kankurou sitting in his corner again, looking for his happy place.

"Went back outside, didn't he?" Shikamaru said through a yawn.

"Yep." The two younger Sand Nins didn't even look up from the page.

"Does he have short-term memory lose, or what?" Shikamaru shook his head.

"Mmm-mm." They turned the page.

Shikamaru sighed and sat down next to Temari. "What's the next step?"

"Identifying your fears," she answered, showing him the page. "He has to 'construct a visual guide to his fears so that it may be corrected.'"

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "Ok, if you could say that in comprehendable words, that would be great."

"He has to draw what he thinks the deer looks like," Gaara translated.

"INNOCENT WOODLAND CREATURE!" Kankurou performed the "duck and cover" procedure, rolling under the coffee table.

A general sweatdrop was administrated.

**A few minutes later...**

"Ok, Kankurou," Temari said in a sweet voice, placing a crayon and a piece of paper on the table before Kankurou. "Can we see what the deer look like?"

"HA-HA!" Kankurou pointed a mocking finger at them. "DAMMIT, I WAS RIGHT AGAIN! YOU CAN'T SEE THEM! THEY TOOK YOUR SOUL, BUT WOULD NOT LET YOU SEE THEM FOR WHAT THEY REALLY ARE! DAMMIT, I AM ON A ROLL!" He grabbed the crayon and bent over the piece of paper, scribbling madly.

**Two hours later.**

"You done yet?" Temari asked for the millionth time.

"NO!" Scribble scribble scribble.

"Ok, just checking..."

**An hour later...**

"Done yet?" Temari asked for the gajillionth time. "Go fish, Shikamaru."

"NO!" Scribble scrabble scribble...

**Half an hour later, Gaara loses patience.**

"It does NOT take that long to draw a stupid deer!" Gaara said coldly, reaching for the paper.

"NOOOO!" Kankurou threw himself over the paper, sheilding the drawing from sight. "IT'S NOT READY YET!"

"Too bad." Shikamaru made a hand-seal. "Shadow Copy No Jutsu!" His shadow crept over to Kankurou's, merging with it, and giving Shikamaru full control over the possessive/insane/down-right crazy puppeteer. Shikamaru sat up straight; Kankurou sat up straight, looking annoyed. Shikamaru clamped his arms to his sides; Kankurou clamped his arms to his sides. "Get it, Temari."

Temari snatched the paper.

There was a moment of silence.

"Holy shit, Kankurou, what're you smoking?" she asked, both eyebrows sky-rocketing.

Instantly, Gaara and Shikamaru crowded around behind her to see the drawing.

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow.

Temari continued to stare at her brother.

Kankurou glared at them.

Gaara would have raised an eyebrow if he could.

"It's... very interesting," Shikamaru said after a few moments of silence.

"Very original," Temari echoed.

Gaara had no comment.

The 'deer' was, in fact, quite interesting and definately original. Kankurou had gone to great pains, it would seem, to make a large oval for a body, with two stick legs, and a large, circular head. The head bore signs of what they decided were fangs and blood, with large, blood-shot eyes with slitted pupils. The upper legs weren't like the lower. Instead, they were large claws, with blood dripping off them. Inside the gapping, fang-rimmed mouth there was a tiny stick figure with an itsy-bitsy word bubble that said "Help me!"

Shikamaru raised the other eyebrow. "Um... Kankurou? I don't think we're the ones who are blind..."

"What're you talking about?" Kankurou asked, glaring harder. "THIS IS THE FACE OF YOUR MASTER! ADMIT IT! DON'T DENY YOU KNOW HIM! HE KNOWS! HE WATCHES YOU!"

Temari began to look scared. "This... isn't my master..."

"THEN WHO IS YOUR MASTER?!" Kankurou shouted, slamming his fists on the table and leaning forward so he was within inches of her, his eye twitching uncontrollably.

Gulp. "K-Kazekage..." she answered. "Or Baki... whichever is in the room..."

"WELL NEITHER ARE IN HERE, ARE THEY?! SO WHO IS YOUR MASTER NOW?!"

Tremble. "G-Gaara."

"What?!" Gaara starred at her.

This outburst brought Kankurou's attention to him. "WHO IS YOUR MASTER, SHORTY?!"

(Shukaku: Shorty...?)

(A small diagram appears before Shukaku, showing that Gaara is, indeed, shorter then everyone in the manga except Konohamaru by about a head. Even Hinata is taller then him, for cryin' out loud. (A/N: Honestly, he is. H-R has a poster of all the people in Naruto, and he's the shortest.))

Gaara starred at him blankly. "Shukaku."

(Shukaku: DAMN STRAIGHT!)

(**WHAT THE AUTHORESS _WANTED_ TO PUT IN:**

_This outburst brought Kankurou's attention to him. "WHO IS YOUR MASTER, SHORTY?!"_

_(Shukaku: Shorty...?)_

_(A small diagram appears before Shukaku, showing that Gaara is, indeed, __shorter then everyone in the manga except Konohamaru by about a head. Even __Hinata is taller then him, for cryin' out loud. (A/N: Honestly, he is. H-R __has a poster of all the people in Naruto, and he's the shortest.))_

_Gaara starred at him blankly. "KageNoKatana."_

_KNK: HELL YEAH! I AM GAARA'S MASTER! FEEEEAAARRR MEEEEE!_

**END OF WHAT AUTHORESS WANTED TO PUT IN)**

Kankurou seemed to think this acceptable, for he turned to Shikamaru, who instantly backed away. "WHO IS YOUR MASTER, YOU PINEAPPLE PERSON?!"

Shikamaru cowered in fear, pressing himself as far away from Kankurou as he could (more for his bad breath then anything). "My mother," he squeaked.

Gaara snorted.

"SHUT UP," Shikamaru said offensively, crossing his arms. "It's not MY fault!"

"DON'T TRY AN' CHANGE THE SUBJECT!" Kankurou shouted, both eyes twitching. "TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER, YOU MINIONS OF THE HARMLESS WOODLAND CREATURES!"

"Just say 'deer' for cryin' out loud," Temari said in an annoyed voice, no longer afraid now that she knew her brother was simply out of his mind (so what else was new?).

"YOU BE QUIET!" Kankurou screamed at her. "I BET YOU'RE THE SECOND IN COMMAND, AREN'T YOU?! AREN'T YOU?!"

"Nope... Just second born." Temari examined her nails.

"...DAMMIT NONE OF YOU TAKE ME SERIOUSLY!" Kankurou jumped up, snatching his drawing up as well. "DAMMIT, JUST YOU WAIT! WHEN I GET THE BALLS TO MEET YOUR MASTER FACE TO FACE, I'M GONNA KICK HIS ASS, AND THEN YOU ALL WILL BE SORRY!" He stomped away.

"I wonder what he needed the picture for," Temari said absentmindedly.

**What he needed the picture for:**

Kankurou grumbled to himself, stapling a sheet of paper on a tree. In one hand, he held said stapler; in the other, he held a large stack of papers. The top sheet read as follows:

_**WANTED:** INNOCENT WOODLAND CREATURE._ (Insert copy of drawing here)

_IF FOUND, PLEASE CALL THE INNOCENT WOODLAND CREATURE BREEDING CENTER (Also __known as H.Q. to those belonging to the cult), formally known as Shikamaru's __house, and ask for Kankurou._

_REWARD: WHEN I RULE THE WORLD, YOUR DEATH SHALL BE QUICK AND PAINLESS_

(A/N: If Kyu knew about all this during A.N.T.R., d'you think they'd still be going out? I highly doubt it.)


	6. Healthy Young Lads

**Genius In Love**

Ah-ha-ha-ha... Sorry for the long wait! (scratchs back of head) See, it was a funny thing, really... I did an oops.

All of SNG's friends: (sweatdrop) What'd you do now?

Kyuubi: You'll never believe it.

SNG:... I accidentally deleted this chapter.

SNG's now dwindling friends: .... (wind blows)

It's true! The site wouldn't read my document, so I tried to transfer it to one that it would, and when I did, I ended up deleting this chapter!

So I tried to remember everything and ended up rewriting the whole damn thing. Hopefully, this is the GOOD draft.

ANSWERS TO REVIEWS (Because SNG is too lazy to e-mail people anymore...)

**ErikKoekoek: . **I already responded to your e-mail, but I thought I'd acknowledge you here, as well. (Did I get your s/n right...?) Oh well, anyway, TY for your review(s)! They really cheer me up, since I'm not all that confident about this piece of work... So, thanks!

(Hint to Readers: I like it when people review each chapter, so I know what people want in future chapters... Please tell me if I'm straying too far off the Shika/Temari topic... I think I am...)

**crazyme89:** Guess what, people? I actually KNOW this person! I mean, REALLY know her! She goes to my school! (SNG suddenly feels pressured) Yeah, she's in my guitar class, first period (she's better'n me) and I'm compelled to turn her off Shika-Ino FOREVER, DAMMIT! I will not use her name, however... that's censored info, that is. So, anyway, buddy-person, TY for reading! I WILL MAKE YOU LIKE THIS PAIRING BETTER, DAMMIT!

There was someone else who left a notable review... but I'm all discombobblelated now... So, dear sweet person, ty for your review!

Also, I COULD mention someone else (cough-MIDORI-cough) but since she never signs her reviews, I can't. Sorry!

Disclaimer: What do you think?

Pairings: Shika/Temari and.... no, wait, that's all... Ha-ha, my bad, I'm still on Bozenjishitsu mode! I almost put the other pairings! .'

Warning: The therapy used in this fan fic should not be used in real-life situations! If YOU have a problem with an innocent woodland creature, contact a professional, NOT your younger siblings and a 'For Dummies' book!

* * *

**Chapter Six: Healthy Young Lads**

Gaara approached Shikamaru while the shadow-user shredded Kankurou's posters using a paper shredder. "What's that?"

"This?" Shikamaru looked at him oddly. "It's... a paper shredder..."

"What's it do?"

"...Watch." Shikamaru inserted a sheet of paper.

VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

"Prest-o, change-o, slips of paper." Shikamaru held them up.

Gaara starred in wonder at the paper shredder. "I want to do it.

"Um... ok..." Shikamaru gave him a poster.

Gaara inserted it in the paper shredder.

VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Gaara went bug-eyed in amazement. _Where has this been all my life?! _He snatched up the paper-shredder, glaring at Shikamaru with a deifant look of "Mine!"

"It's... not that special..." Shikamaru said confusedly, watching his paper-shredder walk away with a pyscho. "It's ok!" he called after Gaara. "I was done, anyway!"

**Later...**

Temari groaned, easing herself into the steamy water of the hotbath. Every inch of her was sore from chasing Kankurou all over creation because, apparently, the Wanted posters he had been posting were illegal. Temari personally thought Tsunade just liked torturing them. She sighed, dunking her head under the water. In the end, Shikamaru and Gaara had worked together to first immobilize Kankurou and then trap him in a box of sand and carry him back home. According to the screams of protest coming from outside, Kankurou was still in the box.

Shikamaru yawned hugely. He felt dirt in places he didn't even know he had. First, he'd tried catching Kankurou via glomp, but found himself covered in sand as first, Kankurou turned out to be Karasu, and then Gaara took his shout of surprise to be a signal to cover 'Kankurou' in sand, thus meaning he'd covered Shikamaru in sand. God, it was a hard life being him. He really wanted to take a bath, even though he knew his mother would kill him if she found sand clogging the drain. He yawned again, pulling off his clothes and plucking a towel off the shelf next to the door to the bath.

Temari looked up when the door opened. Shikamaru stepped in, scratching the back of his head as he was wont to do when he was tired. She starred as he, having taken no notice of her, took off his towel and started to get into the water.

Then it clicked in her brain that a man was getting in a bath with her.

"PERVERT!" she shrieked, throwing her bottle of shampoo at him.

Shikamaru's head snapped up in time to get clonked with a bottle of Herbal Essence shampoo. It slipped into the water; Shikamaru turned beet red.

"E-GAD!" He hopped out of the water, pulling his towel around himself. "SORRY!"

"PERVERT!" Temari shrieked, throwing every available solid object at the shadow-user as he scrambled to get as far away as he could. "LETCH! DIRTY-MINDED-ASSHOLE!"

"I'M SORRY!" he shouted, running out of the room and snapping the door shut in time to avoid having a rock thrown at him (God knows how the rock got there... wink!). He heard her huffing angrily as he tried to stop his nosebleed. _Dammit! How embarrassing..._

**The next morning**

"Honestly, Shikamaru," Kibishii said sternly, piling the ever-hungry Kankurou's plate up with fried rice. "If you're going to sneak into a girl's bath, at least do it quietly!"

"Just shows he's a healthy lad," Shikato (Thanks to those who corrected me) said carelessly, eating his own rice calmly.

"More, please!" Gaara held out his bowl.

"No! No! No!" Shikamaru banged his head on the table.

Temari stood up suddenly. "Shikamaru, can I see out outside for a second?"

"Huh?" He looked up, his head considerably red.

"OUTSIDE!" She pointed to the back door. Kankurou and Gaara shook their heads desperately behind her back.

Shikamaru gulped and scampered outside.

Temari followed.

"I'll remember him not so fondly," Kankurou said solemnly, before examining his food. "Has this food been tested against poisons created by the innocent woodland creatures?"

**Outside**

"Look, I said I was sorry," Shikamaru reminded Temari.

"I know," she said sweetly.

"Ok, so I can go back inside?" _Where there isn't a pyscho who wants to kill me? Oh, wait... Kankurou's in there._

"No." She smiled. "You said sorry," she added, taking out her fan, "but that doesn't mean I forgive you. **_KAMAITACHI_**!"

Shikamaru yelped, running away behind a tree. (Having done this before, he had slight reflexes)

"Come on, Temari, I said I was sorry!"

"I DON'T CARE! YOU SAW ME _NAKED_!"

"IT'S NOT LIKE I COULD SEE ANYTHING!"

Shikamaru had, of course, meant that the water and bubbles covered all... ahem... areas. Temari, however, took it another way.

"ARE YOU CALLING ME FLAT-CHESTED?! _**KAMAITACHI**_!"

"W--NO!" Shikamaru yelped, dodging the tree-slicing claws of air she wielded at him. "COME ON, TEMARI! I REALLY AM SORRY!"

"And I said I wouldn't forgive you," said a bone-chilling voice in his ear.

Shikamaru whirled around, preparing to dodge--

Suddenly, there was a mellow calm in the clearing as Kankurou walked by, posting more of his flyers and humming elevator music. Temari and Shikamaru froze, at close quarters, their eyes following him.

Kankurou turned and was about to post another flyer when he noticed the tree he was about to staple it to was actually Shikamaru's head. "Oh, hey, Shika--" Kankurou paused, looking suspicious. "Your master sent you here to spy on me, didn't he?"

"Um... No, actually, I was just about to fight for my life."

Kankurou frowned, then turned to Temari. His eyes widened.

"I CAN SEE IT ALL! YOU ARE THE MASTER OF THE INNOCENT WOODLAND CREATURES! AND NOW YOU WANT TO DESTORY SHIKAMARU SO YOU CAN HAVE ANOTHER ZOMBIE-FOLLOWER! WELL, I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, LIL' MISSY!" (He then began to wag his finger at her) "YOU'RE NOT GETTIN' AWAY WITH THIS!"

The bridge of Temari's nose turned blue. "No--That's not--"

Kankurou tried again, stepping back to attempt to take the situation in at a whole different light. "Ahaaaa." He stepped forward again and patted them both on the back. "Yes."

They looked at each other. "Yes... what?" Temari asked.

"Yes, you have my permission to go steady," Kankurou said bluntly, going back to posting flyers. He soon left the clearing.

Temari glared at Shikamaru.

"Y-yeah, um, I'm gonna go after... bye." Shikamaru scurried after the older Nin. "Oi, dip-shit!"

"Not my name, fool." Kankurou stapled another sign to a tree.

"....Riiiight...Yeah, what'd you mean by that?"

"I have a name, 'Kankurou', given to me by my--"

"No, no, not that! Before that, the-the patting." Shikamaru demonstrated in mid-air.

"You guys can go steady," Kankurou said bluntly. "I don't care."

"You don't--what?" Shikamaru was still having some problems comprehending this.

"Even though she's my sister," Kankurou said dramatically, starring up at the clouds, "I have to admire her for her ferocious, determined, utterly twisted personality. I would not trust her with anyone else." He turned and clapped a hand on Shikamaru's shoulder. "Take care of my little sister."

"What'd you just say?"

"I said take care of my little sister," Kankurou repeated. "Didn't you know? I'm older then her."

(A/N: PLEASE READ, THOSE WHO ARE STILL CONFUSED: I had a whole nother bout of people tell me that Temari is older then Kankurou. So, Erikoekoek and crazyme89, please note: _That's not how I see it! _Kankurou just seems to me to make the perfect, stupid, older brother. You guys can picture it differently, but, for my sake, while reading this, picture Kankurou as the eldest, it'll make things funnier, in the long run.)

Shikamaru went temporarily bug-eyed, then recovered. "Whatever. I'm going to hide."

"You finally realized the innocent woodland creatures want to--?"

"No! I'm hiding from your sister!"

**A few minutes later**

Shikamaru sighed, starring up at the clouds. It had been a while since he'd done this; he'd been so busy chasing Kankurou all over God's green earth, he hadn't had a chance to spend time by himself.

Finally... All by himself...

"SHIKAMARU!" called a familiar, perky voice.

Deep inside, Shikamaru's soul shattered. _Damn women!_

He sat up wearily. Ino and Chouji were scaling the fence surrounding the yard, Chouji with the familiar bag of chips.

"Hey, Chouji," Shikamaru greeted, trying his hardest to ignore Ino without being impolite (after all, it was not manly to be evil to women...). "Building up again?"

Chouji nodded, munching chips like his life depended on it. He was, to Shikamaru's slight amusement, still rather slim around the edges.

"We're heading over to the barbeque if you want to come," Ino offered.

Shikamaru shook his head. "I'm gonna stay here." He lay back down.

"Oh..." Ino almost... could it be... _Did she just POUT at me?! _Shikamaru thought in bewilderment.

"Ok, what do you want?" he asked suspiciously.

"Chouji and I sorta need to hide here for a while," Ino explained.

"...Why? What's wrong with your homes?"

"It's not safe," Chouji answered in a petrified voice.

Shikamaru starred at him. "Dear god, that nutcase hasn't gotten to you, too, has he?"

Ino looked at him for a while. "No... It's just that we're being stalked."

Shikamaru starred again. "Henh?"

"Well, see--"

"CHOUJI-_KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!"_

Chouji went bug-eyed, jumping behind Shikamaru. Shikamaru raised an eyebrow as terror itself came forth.

Twenty, maybe thirty screaming girls jumped over the fence in waves and waves of pink shirts, all bearing the same emblem: "WE (heart) CHOUJI!"

"WE FOLLOWED YOUR CHIP CRUMBS, CHOUJI-KUN AND HERE YOU ARE!" shrieked one girl.

Shikamaru threw up a little inside. "Chouji... what is this?"

"Apparently... Chouji is hot when he's skinny," Ino said in a long-suffering voice.

"CHOUJI-KUN, GO OUT ON A DATE WITH MEEEEE!"

"NO, MEEEEEE!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!" Chouji ran for dear life out into the woods. He was so desperate for escape, he dropped his chip bag...

...Thus sealing the poor bag of junk food's fate.

"OMIGAWD, CHOUJI'S CHIPS!" squealed a fan-girl, pouncing on the bag.

"NO!" shouted another. "YOU'RE NOT WORTHY! I AM!"

There was an instant cat-fight between about six of the girls.

"All this trouble over Chouji... my god..." Ino scratched her scalp, careful as always not to mess up her hair.

The ring-leader of the fan-girls then caught sight of her. "YOU!" (point!)

Ino raised an eyebrow. "Me?"

"YOU!"

"Me."

"YOU'RE BEING AWFULLY FAMILIAR WITH CHOUJI-KUN!"

"Uh, no duh, he's in my--"

"YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH HIM, AREN'T YOU!"

Ino turned blue.

Shikamaru groaned and covered his ears.

"**_WHAT!?!!?! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FRICKIN' MIND?!" _**Ino shouted, jumping up. "I'M IN LOVE WITH SASUKE-KUN! NOT CHOUJI! YOU ALL ARE SOME SICK BITCHS!"

"SHE INSULTED CHOUJI-KUN!" screamed the ring-leader. "GET HER!"

"EEEEK!" Ino's courage melted and she instantly jumped away behind Shikamaru, clinging to him for protect. "HELP ME, SHIKAMARU!"

Then, suddenly, Ino got an idea.

"I'M NOT GOING OUT WITH CHOUJI!" she shouted, loud enough for the fan-girls to hear. "I'M GOING OUT WITH HIM!" She pointed to Shikamaru.

The girls stopped in mid-pounce.

Shikamaru began to feel a little ill.

"Ok. Well, that's ok, then." The ring-leader turned to her followers. "ONWARD, LADIES! FIND CHOUJI-KUN!"

"CHOUJI, WE LOVE YOU!" They tore a path through the woods.

Shikamaru glared at Ino, pushing her off him. "I hate you."

"So?! I didn't want to get eaten!" She glared at him, scooting away.

"Yeah, well--" Shikamaru turned his head in frusturation, sick of the sight of his former team-mate. He gulped when he saw what he was now looking at.

Temari stood on the edge of the clearing, starring at him.

_Oh crap... she probably heard all that... and now she might be all hurt... and I care!... What is the DEAL!?_

* * *

_Suspensy-cliff-hanger-thingies:_

_How will Temari react to the situation between Ino and Shikamaru?_

_What will happen to Kankurou when Tsunade finds him posting posters again?_

_Will Chouji survive?_

_And..._

_Most importantly..._

_WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO GAARA AND THE PAPER-SHREDDER?!_


	7. It's Not What You Think

**Genius In Love**

Heylo! I got alotta reviews for the last chapter... eleven, I believe it was... but I haven't been online for the past few days... I think I been sleepin'...

Hold your shock.

But yeah... I also put up a new chapter of _This Much I Know Is True,_ and thank you to JapanAnimegirl for reading that and sending me a nice lil' review! (hug!)

Also...

I've noticed I have alot of regular reviewers for this fan fic... thank you all... and I was wondering if any of you guys had IM cuz yeah you all seem weird so I wanna talk to you and I'm just too lazy to answer all my reviewers... so yeah, if you have IM, pleasey pleasey SIGN your review so I can get your e-mail and e-mail you and get your review.... pwease?

ALSO....

I had alot of people ask for romance... I'm gettin to it people!! I sorry! I just reflexively start writing about Kankurou (plus the fact that H-R loves readin about him when he's stupid and she knows where I sleep so yeah...)

H-R: (laugh) Upstairs two stories, and then to the left and to the right.... the bed fartherest from the door

Kyuubi: With those goddamn skull posters over the bed... you know how hard it is to sleep with those?!

SNG: Awwww, is K-uubie awaid?

Kyuubi:....

SNG: (dies of laughter)

(Recovers instantly) ANYWAY....

Yes, Erik, I was a little offended.... grumble grumble... my email is not that hard to mix up with someone else's!! Unless their e-mail was, like, crackhead or something...

H-R: That's cruel...

Kyuubi: I laughed, she read it and she was like, "WHAT!? I SENT HIM AN INNOCENT WOODLAND CREATURE PICTURE (which is the new wallpaper, btw) AND HE WRITES BACK AND SAYS, 'Sorry, I goofed'!?!?!" It was rather enjoyable...

H-R: (smacks SNG) GET ON WITH THE STINKIN FAN FIC!

SNG: Itai... itai... itai... (claps hands--FAN FIC BEGINS!)

(SNG, H-R and Kyuubi make chakra symbol; poof)

Kaboom.

* * *

**Chapter Seven: It's Not What You Think**

"H-hey, Temari," Shikamaru stammered, pushing Ino even further away. "What's up?"

"Nothing," she said coolly, turning on her heel and stalking away out into the woods.

Shikamaru turned and glared at Ino. "You see what you did?"

Ino, however, raised an eyebrow. "Who was that?"

"Didn't you hear me? That's Temari."

"From the _Sand_ village?" she asked suspiciously. "What's she doing here?"

"She's here because she can be," Shikamaru said coldly. "What're _you_ doing here?"

"I told you what I'm doing here," Ino said bluntly.

"Whatever." Shikamaru scrambled up, going after Temari.

_Well, _that's_ interesting_, Ino thought.

**Meanwhile, deep in the forest...**

"So, what're you doing up here?" Kankurou asked of Chouji in a conversational voice.

"Hiding from my fan girls," the other answered. "You?"

"Hiding from the innocent woodland creatures," Kankurou answered.

"The... what?"

"The innocent woodland creatures!" Kankurou cried. "They follow our every move with their beady, blood-sucking eyes, and wish to hypnotize us with the movement of their jaws, and gnash and bite with hard, sharp, pointy teeth!" Kankurou brought up two fingers to look like fangs (A/N: See Monty Python and The Holy Grail in order to understand this... YO KNK!). Kankurou clapped a hand on Chouji's shoulder, causing the younger boy to jump. "JOIN THE SIDE OF LIGHT, MY FRIEND! JOIN US! FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT!"

Chouji gulped, looking around. Apparently, no one was going to save him from this exotic pyscho. "Um... ok...?"

"HA HA!" Kankurou whooped, pointing down at the deer, who, getting bored with starring at the two in the tree, were walking away. "YEAH, RUN AWAY, YOU SERVANTS OF THE DEVIL! I HAVE A FOLLOWER AND YOU DON'T, NYAH NYAH!"

"Um... can I go home now?"

"NO!" Kankurou lowered his voice to a dramatic whisper. "_It's not safe!"_

**Meanwhile... in another part of the woods...**

"Temari, wait up!" Shikamaru called, jogging (yes, that's right, the lazy bum is jogging) after the obviously infuriated sand nin.

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Leave me alone!"

Now, if Shikamaru had been Kankurou, or even Gaara, he would have known, through experience, that now would be the time to leave. However, he was neither, and had no such experience and thus he stayed.

"At least tell me why you're mad at me!"

"I'm not!"

"Then why won't you talk to me?!"

"Because I'm pissed at..." Temari searched for a logical answer. "...THE HUMAN RACE, DAMMIT!" _Dammit! Run away... _She went faster.

"Why?" he called, for she was now at shouting distance.

"Because I am, dammit!"

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, finally running out of breath. "I'll never understand women."

**A little later...**

"...So, I don't know what to do," Temari concluded.

Gaara frowned, slowly inserting single sheets of paper into a paper shredder (SNG: Vvvvvrrrrrr). "Why are you asking me?"

"Because Kankurou is currently preaching about rabid 'innocent woodland creatures'"(she formed quotations with her fingers, and said the phrase in a mocking voice)"from a soapbox."

"Good reason." Gaara stuffed Shikato's morning paper into the shredder. "Why don't you write this... what was his name again?"

"Shikamaru!" she snapped for the fifth time.

"Right, right... write him a letter explaining why you're so mad," Gaara suggested. "Then maybe he'll write you back and you can have a chain-letter thing or whatever it's called." He frowned, picking up the next piece of paper and scanning it. "Pen pal," he said suddenly. "That's what it's called." He stuffed the paper in the shredder (SNG: Vvvvvvvrrr).

"How do you know these things?" Temari asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Said so in _How To Deal With Emotionally Confused Siblings For Dummies._" Gaara nodded. "Those books are really quite useful."

Temari backed away slowly.

"So you write him a letter, and the two of you come to terms with..." He paused. "Damn, I forgot the rest."

"So, look it up!"

"I can't." He glared at her.

"Why not?"

"I shredded the book." (SNG: Vvvvvvvvvrrrr)

"WHAT?!" Temari nearly strangled him (I say nearly because the sand stopped her). "THIS IS MY FUTURE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT!"

"Uh-huh, yeah..." He nodded, shredding a few more papers (SNG: Vvvvvvrrr). "And, you know, with the way things are going, in twenty years, it's just going to be you and... _twenty-seven_ cats." He winced at the thought.

Temari instantly decided to set to work writing the letter.

**Later that night... well... even later, anyway...**

"No!" Temari threw a draft of the letter over her shoulder, letting it hit the large pile of similarly crumpled spilling out of the small wastebasket in the corner of her room. "Dammit, why is this so hard?!"

**1:20 A.M.**

_Dear Piece of filth--_

"No!" she scratched it out.

_Dear Letch--_

"No!"

_Dear Pineapple-man--_

"No!"

_Dear Sexy Pineapple-man--_

"HELL NO!"

**5:00 A.M.**

"Finally!" Temari held up a final draft of the letter. She read it over once, just to make sure.

_Dear Shikamaru,_

_You seriously pissed me off today with that blonde brat. I don't know why you did, or how, but you did, and Gaara told me to write you a letter telling you this. So, I did._

_--Temari_

"WHY DOES THAT SOUND SO PATHETIC?!"

The letter joined it's fellows in the mountain of crumbled papers crowding the corner of her room.

**6:59 A.M.**

"And NOW, I'm done." Temari yawned hugely, setting the finally FINAL draft of her letter to Shikamaru on her desk and stretching, cat-style.

She rubbed her eyes and looked at the clock. "Time for bed," she mumbled in a monotone. She laid her head down on the desk.

**7:00 A.M.**

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

"Time for training," she said in the same montone; she got up again, going over to her closet to get dressed.

Gaara came in (He's the only one she'll let come in without knocking, but don't tell Kankurou or Shika that... they'd get jealous), carrying the paper-shredder under one arm. "Did you write it?"

"Yeah." She yawned, picking over her clothes.

"Hey, is this trash?" He picked up a piece of paper off her desk.

"Yeah." She headed for the shower.

Gaara mentally giggled to himself, inserting the piece of paper in the shredder (SNG: Vvvvv-- Kyuubi: THEY GET IT ALREADY, IT MAKES NOISE!). _Shredding is fun!_

_**You... are so pathetic.**_

_Shut up, Shukaku._

Temari suddenly realized what she had classified as trash.

"GAARA, NO!" She ran into her room like all hell was after her and grabbed the shredder ("Hey!") and yanked the top off. "Gaara, _why_?" she wailed, picking through the tiny strips of paper.

"What'd I do now?" He raised an eyebrow (What eyebrow?).

"This was my letter!" she wailed, stomping her foot in frusturation.

"...And?"

"IT TOOK ME _ALL NIGHT _TO WRITE IT!"

"...So?"

"_TWENTY-SEVEN_ CATS, GAARA!"

"Oh, yeah." Gaara shuddered.

"No...!" Temari actually whimpered, going over the shreds, trying to find one with her hand-writing.

_**You're such a jerk sometimes.**_

_Shut up, Shukaku,_ Gaara snapped mentally, turning back to his sister. "Look," he said finally, finding the image of her rather pathetic. "You go take a shower and all that nice, clean stuff, and I'll find your letter and tape it back together... and then..." He sighed, looking at the shredder with longing. "...And then, I'll get help for my shredding problem."

* * *

Ok, now...

H-R wrote a comic for the shredding problem, and I sorta copied it... ce'pt in that one, he shredded the entire Konoha records...

Like, all those books n crap?

Yeah.

Hi.

H-R: TWHACK!

Itai....

Kyuubi: As you can see, she's out of ideas.

.... No I'm not!

H-R: SAVE IT ALREADY!

Wait, I remember....

**WHAT SNG HAD TO SAY:**

BOOGIE-WOOGIE-WOOGIE!


	8. Therapy and Agreements

**Genius In Love**

Ha ha! I got lots of reviews in the past few days, asking for the paper shredder, romance, etc... the Innocent woodland creatures got old, didn't they? (sweatdrop) I thought so... I still like them! I did a skit with them in Theater Arts where I played a crazy person who was getting fired from her job for "goin' on about those goddamn woodland critters." I did really good, too! Oh well...

You know what, people? This is currently my most popular fan fic... Yay! However, Apprentice is catching up! Don't let those Orochimaru freaks beat you!! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!

Kyuubi: Isn't that what you told the others?

...Shut up! (grumble grumble grumble...)

Kyuubi: You're sucha hypocrite.

No I'm not!

...GRROAR!!! I'M SO MAD NOW!! My dad annoys the hell outta me... I'm babysitting and yeah... I won't get into it... Kyuubi can you go kill him?

Kyuubi (stare): Henh?

Guess not... Shukaku?

Shukaku: Um... he just left.

GAH!!!

--

**Chapter Eight: Therapy and Agreements**

"I _REFUSE_!!"

"Come on, now, it's not so b--"

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT THOSE PEOPLE DO TO YOU?!"

"Do I want to know your version of it?"

"THEY HYPNOTIZE YOU TO WORSHIP THE DEVIL!" Kankurou nodded, crossing his arms. "The innocent woodland creatures have allies everywhere."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "Gaara's going with you. I'm sure he'd kill you before he let some deer do you in."

"Hey," Gaara said warningly.

Shikamaru was walking the two brothers to the mental hospital. Gaara was going there for his shredding problem, and it had been decided that Kankurou would go, as well, to see if he could get help for his "woods" problem. Temari had refused to join them, for reasons unknown to all three (Gaara having summarialy forgotten that morning).

"Hello! Welcome!" the nice, pink-clad lady behind the counter squealed, holding a clipboard. "How can I help you?"

Gaara looked around. Kankurou and Shikamaru had... disappeared...? He frowned and looked behind him, where the two older guys were hiding from the perky lady in pink. "You guys are pathetic."

"Go on, Gaara." Shikamaru pushed him meekly towards the counter. "Go get help."

"Go grow up," Kankurou added. (A/N: See Monsters Inc. BEST MOVIE EVER!...After significant others...)

Gaara glared at them, going over to the counter and signing himself in.

"Snif. He signed himself in!" Kankurou sniffled, his eyes shining as he leaned on Shikamaru, his head on the shorter boy's shoulder. "I'm so proud of him!" (He squeaked!)

"Whatever." Shikamaru tried to inch away.

"Do you need help, as well?" the lady asked, smiling.

"What does it look like?" Shikamaru snapped as Kankurou burst into tears, watching Gaara go, all by himself, into (dramatic music) the back room.

"I'LL REMEMBER YOU FONDLY, LIL' BRO!" Kankurou called after him.

"See?" Shikamaru asked the pink lady.

"Right..." She resumed her perky nature (I have a geo teacher like her... so damn annoying, at 8:40 a.m...). "Well, just sign in here!" She held out the clipboard.

"Ok." Shikamaru took the clipboard and pencil and scanned the paper. "Hey... Gaara just wrote 'I squish you all!' Does that count as signing in?"

"As long as he writes something, it's fine. We have people who don't even know who they are, sometimes," Pink lady said brightly.

"...Ok... Here, sign yourself in." Shikamaru gave the clipboard to Kankurou.

Kankurou frowned, taking it and the pencil, and began scribbling.

**Five minutes later...**

"Dude, it really doesn't take that long to write your name," Shikamaru snapped. "What is it with you and taking a long time to write something, anyway?" he added, looking over Kankurou's shoulder.

Shikamaru developed a large sweat-drop.

_JOIN THE GOOD SIDE AND FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT! DESTORY THE INNOCENT WOODLAND CREATURES AS THEY WISH TO SUCK OUT YOUR SOULS WITH THE MOVEMENT OF THEIR HYPONTIZING JAWS AND GNAW UPON YOUR BONES WITH BIG, SHARP, POINTY TEETH! THEY WATCH YOUR EVERY MOVE! THEY WAIT IN HIDING AND ONLY SHOW THEIR EVIL SIDE TO UNSUSPECTING RANDOM PEOPLE LIKE ME! JOIN ME AND STOP THIS DEVILMENT! FIND THE MASTER OF THE INNOCENT WOODLAND CREATURES AND EXPOSE THEM ONCE AND FOR ALL! YOU CAN'T ESCAPE THEM! THEY WILL COME FOR YOU! THEY WILL COVER THE EARTH LIKE LITTLE BUGS AND ALL THE BUG PEOPLE IN YOUR TOWN WOULD REJOICE UNTIL THEIR SOULS ARE ROBBED OF THEM! (NOT THAT ANYONE WOULD COMPLAIN... THOSE PEOPLE ARE NASTY...) SO JOIN ME AND--_

And all this writing was crammed into the little tiny box where Kankurou was supposed to sign his name.

"NOW do you see why he needs help!?" Shikamaru shouted at the pink lady.

"Yes, right this way." The lady smiled (does anything phase her!?) and gestured to a room parallel to Gaara's.

"Ok, well, you don't need me, I'll be going, I'm supposed to be helping Chouji get fat so he doesn't have all the chicks hanging off him, bye." Shikamaru headed for the door.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kankurou wailed, launching himself at Shikamaru and grabbing him around the knees. "DON'T LEAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'M TOO YOUNG TO GET THERAPY!"

"Bullcrap." Shikamaru attempted to pry Kankurou off.

"We have crow-bars at your disposal," the pink lady said cheerfully.

"Hmm, gee, couldn't have said that BEFORE he was crying and hugging me?" Shikamaru snapped.

**Later that Night (As SNG lost her train of thought...)**

Gaara glared at the ceiling. He was in a room with a strange and unsual creature who liked to call herself "Debbie." 'Debbie' seemed to be _very_ interested in Gaara's social life.

Except that Gaara didn't... _have_... a social life... so these questions were very much a pointless procedure.

"So, what's your name?" 'Debbie' asked, smiling.

"Gaara."

"Are you sure?"

"Well?"

"Maybe."

"Well, who told you?"

"...God."

(H-R: -falls over laughing.-)

"I DID NOT!" called a voice from another room.

(H-R: -dies-)

"...Right. So, God told you that your name is Gaara?"

"Yes."

"I'M TELLING YOU, I DON'T KNOW THE GUY!"

"YOU'RE GOD, YOU KNOW EVERYONE!" called another voice.

"And how did you commuincate with said 'God'?"

Gaara starred at the lady. Even HE was getting a little freaked out.

"Well?" She smiled brightly.

"...I'm special."

"How are you special, sweety?"

"I'm not your sweety."

"How are you special, Gaara?" (Agreeable, isn't she?)

"Shukaku knows him personally."

"Who's Shukaku?"

(Shukaku: I AM YOUR MASTER, BE-ATCH!)

"..." Gaara chose to ignore that. "He's my..." _What's that word? _he asked Shukaku.

(Shukaku: MASTER!!)

_...Keep dreaming. _"He's the demon in my head who constantly beats on the inside of my eyeballs and tells me to say hello to people."

'Debbie' nodded. "Of course he is," she said in an understand voice, scribbling on her clipboard.

Gaara's eye nearly popped out of his head. "HOW DID YOU KNOW!?"

"I know things, sweety."

"Not your sweety," Gaara said automatically.

(SNG pauses... as her brain stops for a while.)

"Believe me, we have people tell us that sort of thing all the time." She smiled.

Gaara's eye _did_ pop out of his head. "THERE ARE _MORE_?!" To the Shukaku, he cried, _You two-timer!_

(Shukaku: Hey! It's news to me, too!)

**Meanwhile, across the hall...**

"IT'S TRUE!" Kankurou shouted, jumping up and banging his fists on the desk. "DAMMIT, I SAW THEM!"

"Saw who, dear?" 'Sheryl' asked, smiling.

"THE INNOCENT WOODLAND CREATURES!"

"And where was this, again?" She smiled.

"Oh god, here we go again..." Shikamaru groaned, banging his head on the desk.

(Kyuubi: Skip a little bit...)

Shikamaru groaned audibly as 'Sheryl' decided now would be the time to test Kankurou on his recognition of random items.

"What is this, Kankurou?" 'Sheryl' held up a flashcard.

"Gaara," he said at once.

Shikamaru and 'Sheryl' both looked at the card, which bore a picture of Tweety.

"Ok... What about this?" She held up another one.

"Temari's cooking."

(Doggy doo-doo)

".........What about this?"

"Karasu."

(Bird.)

"..................What about this?"

"Shikamaru."

(Pineapple)

"Dammit, that joke's gonna get old soon!" Shikamaru snapped, whacking Kankurou across the head.

"Come on, now, no hitting the pysc--I mean, patient." 'Sheryl' smiled and held up another card. "Just keep going, Kankurou, you're doing--"

"AN INNOCENT WOODLAND CREATURE!" Kankurou fell backwards off his chair in his haste to get away from the flashcard.

Shikamaru and 'Sheryl' looked at the card. (A dot) (H-R dies again X.X)

What worried them the most was, he believed every word he said.


	9. These Words I Send To You

**Genius In Love**

My friend from school is still reading this!!!!

Kyuubi: (hits SNG over the head with a huge book titled PRESSURE!!)

Okie.... no worries.... I'll just... keep writing....

Lol, JK, I'm glad she's reading it. I don't really talk to her about it, except to tell her when it's updated. So, we're good.

No pressure....

Not at all....

(joins Gaara and Kankurou in the mental hospital)

* * *

**Chapter Nine: These Words I Send To You**

Temari tapped on Shikamaru's door nervously. In one hand, she clutched her letter to the shadow-user. Already, she was having second-thoughts about giving it to him. Giving it to him would, in her mind, instill a knowledge that she had a weakness.

She wasn't exactly sure what that weakness was... but she was sure now that she had one.

Temari frowned when there was no answer. She opened the door. "Shikamaru?" She looked around; no one was inside, except Kankurou's puppets. "Where is everybody?"

"They went to the mental hospital to treat Kankurou and Gaara."

Temari whirled around, instantly putting her guard up.

Kibishii didn't give her a second look, going in Shikamaru's room with an arm-load of clean laundry. Temari stood still, watching the older woman put the clothes in their proper places in Shikamaru's closet with tiny little pats as she put them down.

"What do you want with him?" Kibishii asked, breaking the long silence as she went around, picking up a few stray articles of clothing her son had tossed around in the process of getting dressed.

"Um..." Temari looked down at the letter in her hand; she'd gotten so shocked when Kibishii had startled her, she had crumpled it slightly in her fist. "I wanted to talk to him..."

Kibishii gave her a suspicious look, going over to make Shikamaru's bed. "About what?"

Temari faltered, first at the question, then at the fact that Kibishii actually went around behind Shikamaru's back and fixed his room up for him. _Who knew? Not me... _"Just... something that happened the other day."

"In the bath?" Kibishii turned to look at her.

Blush! "No! It was..." Temari starred at her feet while Kibishii starred at her. "I saw Shikamaru with this blonde girl yesterday..."

"Ino?"

Temari shrugged. "I don't know you people by name."

"Yeah, yeah... what happened?" Kibishii seemed interested now.

Temari, to her horror, blushed even more. "And... She said they were going out."

Kibishii raised an eyebrow. "Shikamaru-chan and Ino are going out?"

Shikamaru-chan? "W-well, that's what she said to the fat kid's fan-girls..."

"Chouji has fan-girls?"

"I guess so, I mean... he looked pretty scared."

"I see... So, why do you care if Shikamaru-chan and Ino are going out?" Kibishii gave Temari a small smile while the blonde continued to stare at her feet.

"Hey, what is with this third degree?!" Temari snapped offensively.

Kibishii smiled. "I see."

"You see what?!" Temari's beet-red face snapped up.

Kibishii's smile widened, and she moved to pat Temari on the shoulder. "You don't have to worry."

"...Eh?" Temari raised an eyebrow.

"He's stuck on you! Why else would he try so hard to apologize for the other night, or take your brothers to Mental School?" Kibishii nodded knowingly. "I've seen Shikamaru-chan around other girls, and he's not nearly as nice to them as he is to you. You haven't got anything to worry about." She frowned. "Besides, isn't Ino part of Sasuke's fan club?"

Temari shrugged.

"What've you got there? It's been bothering me for a while..." Kibishii gestured to the letter.

"Um!" Temari looked down at it, noticing it had crumpled even more. "It-it was a letter to Shikamaru... about yesterday."

"Oh. I'll give it to him and spare you the humilation." Kibishii reached for it.

"No!" Temari jumped out of her reach, clutching the letter (crumple!). "I-I'll just give it to him myself!"

Kibishii glared. "_Give me the damn letter, sand-nin!_"

"Y-yes, m-ma'am....!"

**Meanwhile...**

Shikamaru yawned hugely, starring at the white cieling of the mental insitution's waiting room. (_Was it natural for ceilings to be that white?_) Kankurou was currently being further examined by the doctors, since 'Debbie' had no idea how to cure him of his paranoia. The only reason Shikamaru was in the waiting room and Kankurou was being examined was because Shikamaru somehow convinced him that he was an innocent woodland creature spy, thus ensuring that Kankurou would sooner die then be in the same room with the younger nin.

He didn't notice someone was standing over him until he got hit in the head. "Ow! Dammit!" He clutched his head, closing his eyes in pain.

"Is that how you talk to your mother?!"

"M-mom?!" Shikamaru's head snapped up.

Gaara glared down at him. "No."

"Then who--"

"Shut up or I'll squish you." Gaara sat down a few seats away, so as to avoid any misguided impressions that he may actually know Shikamaru.

Shikamaru's conclusion: _Gaara can do voices... Make a mental note; this could prove fatal._

"I'm supposed to tell you something," Gaara informed him suddenly.

"Ok, well, you think on that for a while, ok?" While Gaara did so, Shikamaru went back to starring at the cieling.

It was very interestng, it seems.

**Meanwhile**

Temari twiddled her thumbs nervously, pacing back and forth in the Nara famiy room; Kibishii had left fifteen minutes ago for the Mental Institution, with Temari's letter in tow. Knowing Shikamaru, it would be too troublesome and energy consuming to call Temari and ask her about it, so she expected he would probably come home and ask her...

_...Or not say anything at all, seeing as that would prove 'way too troublesome.'_

Temari continued twiddling and pacing and worrying for quite some time, slowly losing contact with the mortal world, so it was no immeadiate shock that she jumped half way out of her skin when the phone rang at her elbow as she walked past. (No, dude, she seriously did get halfway out of her skin)

She gulped, regained composure, and picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hi."

"...Hi."

_It's Shikamaru!_

"Who is this?"

_Awwww, he forgot my voice! That's... kind of depressing, actually..._

"This is Temari."

"Why are you answering my phone?"

"What's with all the questions?!" Temari said in a rather high and fast voice.

"Well, you could be--"

"And I didn't mean anything in that letter! Gaara told me to write it!" she continued in that fast voice.

"Huh?"

"WHAT IS WITH THIS THIRD DEGREE?!" Temari shouted at the receiver before slamming the phone down and plopping down on the sofa. _Hopefully that didn't sound suspicious._

**Meanwhile...**

"Well, THAT was incredably suspicious," Shikamaru mused, hanging up the pay-phone in the waiting room.

"Shikamaru!"

"ITAI!" He cowered at once, hiding behind the pay-phone. "Mom, I swear, I wasn't doing anything!"

"I'm just delivering this," Kibishii said confusedly, handing her son an envelope. "And I also came to check up on Kankurou-chan. How is he?"

"I dunno." Shikamaru stuffed the letter in one of the many vast pockets of his chuunin vest.

"Hey!" Kibishii whacked him. "You read that!"

"Ok, mom, I will!" He rubbed his head.

"No, you read that now, where I can see you!" She glared.

"Ok, ok, ok..." He took it out again, running his finger under the sealed edge and slipping the piece of paper out. "_Dear Shikamaru,_" he began out loud.

"Not out loud! Have you no shame?" Kibishii pushed him down into a seat. "Read it to yourself!"

"Ok..." He sighed, sitting back to read it.

_Dear Shikamaru,_

_I didn't want to come off as a bitch or anything the other day, running away from you or anything. I'm not even really sure why I ran. I just did. I guess I got jealous when I saw how close you and that blonde were, when I thought we'd gotten close and all, and it turns out we really didn't, in the long run. If that sounds corny, I don't really know any other way to explain it. I'm still kind of confused. If you have any ideas, I guess maybe we could talk._

_--Temari_

Shikamaru paused, then reread the letter again. _Yep. It really did say she wanted to 'talk.'And that she thought she'd gotten jealous... over him and Ino?_ _Wow. Yeah. Whoa._

_What the freakin' hell?_

_She should know better then to waste her time on me,_ he thought with an unpleasent lurch of his stomach. After all, what'd he ever done for her? _Besides, like, you know, give her a place to live, and feed her, and help her take care of her brothers? _Yeah, if you sorta push all that to the side, he hadn't really done anything for her. Not really, when you think about it. Plus, she'd tried to kill him! Several times! And for stupid stuff, too! Like walking in on her in the bath, or something!

_Why do pyschopaths have to be so damn cute?_

"..." _I did not just think that... I really didn't..._

_Girls are just too damn troublesome. But I'm not gay, so I gotta deal with 'em._


	10. It All Comes Down To You And Me

**Genius In Love**

I recall Jazzywolf asking me to write a Neji fan fic, and then an Itachi fan fic. I'd just like to point out that _Lee's List Of Manliness! _is not that. That's just an impulse that I got...I promise I will work on them, tho!

This fic and 'Apprentice' have become very popular. I am very proud. This fic has around 71 reviews. Let's go for 80! (Apprentice has around 77, last time I checked.)

Tonight is the last night of the play, _Rally 'Round The Flagpole, Boys! _that our school is putting on, so I'll have more time to type fics (I'm on the crew, and I've been busy at rehearsels...).

Well. For a while, anyway. The Theatre department is doing a musical production of _Oliver! _and I'm going to try out for the part of Nancy. Auditions are in two weeks. Wish me luck!

And yes, I can sing.

* * *

**Chapter Ten: It All Comes Down To You And Me**

Shikamaru starred up at his house, a disturbing feeling of forbode over-coming him. He had no idea what he was going to say if Temari wanted to talk to him; agreeing with everything she said (like he normally did with Ino) might end up with the two of them on a date.

_Was that really such a bad thing?_

_"..." I refuse to answer that until I have more information on whether or not these women kill their mates like those bugs Shino's so fascinated about._

He sighed and opened the door; might as well get it over with before he had any more time to think about it. He peeked inside. No one was in the living room. He went to sit on the sofa. _Time to strategize. Ok. His room was the safety zone until Kankurou got home. Temari didn't dare go in there; it was 'guy-infested.' _He formed quotations with his fingers. _So I can run there if things get violent. The no-go zone is the kitchen; pointy objects live in peace there--I don't want to arm her. Mom said she'd bring Kankurou and Gaara home when they were done, so I don't have to worry about any of them, and Dad..._

_CRAP! DAD!_ Shikamaru ran into the kitchen; there was a note on the fridge, in his father's messy scrawl:

_Went out for a while; will be back before dinner--Shikato_

_Typical. Dad went out for a drink again._ Shikamaru shook his head. _I swear, I'm not related to these people. Now, where's the object of confusion? _He looked around the kitchen, as if hoping Temari would randomly pop up out of nowhere.

As if on cue, a cheerful voice echoed down the stairs.

"Kankurou? Gaara? How did your therapy go?" Temari called, going into the kitchen; she frowned. _No one there? I could have sworn I..._

She raised an eyebrow, looking under the table, lifting the table-cloth as she did.

Shikamaru gave a little wave, grinning sheepishly, curled up in a ball under the table. "Hello."

She raised an eyebrow. "Shikamaru... What are you doing under the table?"

"Aw, come on!" He laughed a very bad fake laugh, looking around under the table. "Can't a guy chill under his own kitchen table?"

"Not when he's suspicious while doing it. Get out here."

"You know what, I'm good." He nodded reassuringly.

Temari's eyebrow twitched while she made a scary, Annoyed-Sakura face. "Get your scrawny ass out from under there."

Shikamaru shook his head; life would be so much easier if he could just stay under here and have Gaara sneak him food; god knows Temari wouldn't, Kankurou would think he was congregating with innocent woodland creatures, his dad would forget, and his mom would make him learn his lesson the hard way. And if Gaara ever cured his shredding problem, he would probably like the idea of having a pet who lived under the table.

Shikamaru suddenly had a very disturbing mental picture.

"Ok, yeah, what's up?" he asked, popping out from under the table.

Temari raised an eyebrow, then recovered. "Did your mom... give you that... letter?" she asked carefully.

Shikamaru starred at his feet; of course she would want to talk about it. Girls always wanted to talk about 'it.' The definition of 'it' in a male dictionary normally consisted of things no self-respecting man would ever think about, like feelings, multi-gender friendships and the ever-popular "love."

Inner-Shikamaru's eyes popped out of his head. _Oh, god, please don't let her talk about love!_

"What about it?" he mumbled, noticing absentmindedly that the front door was opening.

"...." _The front door?! _Shikamaru whirled around, running outside like all hell was upon him.

"Shikamaru?" Temari shouted after him. "GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!"

"We'll talk later!" he promised, running into the woods.

Temari sighed sadly as he disappeared from sight. "And I had a speech prepared and everything..." She sighed heavily again, going into the living room to see who was at the door.

And soon wished she hadn't.

"OHAYO!!!" Naruto shouted, waving from where he was crumpled in a heap on the welcome mat. "Where's Shikamaru and Gaara?"

Temari winced at the blond's loud voice. "They're not here."

"Why nooooot?!"

"Because... they're at therapy."

"Therapy?" Naruto repeated, sitting indian-style on the floor, crossing his arms and frowning confusedly. (You know the look...)

Temari sighed for the third time. "Yeah."

"Ok, well, whatever." Naruto shrugged, standing up and brushing himself off. "I'll come back later, then! Bye!" And he zoomed away.

Temari shuddered; that boy gave her chills.

**The next morning**

Temari frowned, looking around the house. "Where's Kankurou?" she asked Kibishii, who was making lunch. "He has to go to therapy today."

Kibishii shrugged. "Last I saw, he and Gaara were going upstairs, talking about an 'escape plan.'"

Temari sweatdropped, going upstairs. "Kankurou?" She knocked on each of the doors in turn. Going around the corner of the hall, she saw Gaara standing outside a broom closet. "Where's Kankurou?"

He gestured towards the closet.

Temari scowled, opening the door; Kankurou was hiding with his head in a bucket. She pulled him out, dragging him down the hall.

"TRAITOR! STICKLER! SQUEALER!" Kankurou shouted at Gaara, waving his fist as Temari pulled him down the hall.

"Your hide-out this isn't," Gaara said calmly, going in the closet and closing the door.

Shukaku: **_Damn straight, this is OUR hide-out!_**

**Later**

"Have you talked to Shikamaru yet?" Kibishii asked Temari while she did the dishes.

Temari shook her head from where she was seated at the table, eating chips. "I can't get him alone. He always finds an excuse to run away."

"I can get you two alone," Kibishii said with a coy smirk.

"....How?" Temari asked, growing steadily worried, as she normally did if Kibishii was creating a 'plan.'

"Never you mind," she instructed. "You just go get yourself something black and clingy and I'll take care of Shikamaru."

"Well... Damn, Kibishii-dono, what're you gonna _do_ to him?" Temari asked, dreading the answer.

"Nothing permanant, anyway." Kibishii smiled. "Don't you worry. He'll still be in one peice."

* * *

Oooooooooooooo!

What will Kibishii do to Shika-chan???

What kind of therapy is Kankurou going through?

Will Temari ever be able to talk to Shika without him running away?

And....

Most importantly....

What's the deal with Gaara and the broom closet?


	11. 411 On Dating My Sister

**Genius In Love**

Omigosh, I'm so sorry for the long wait! ...Do you guys hate me?

Kyuubi: I do.

Well, no one asked you, now, did they?

I'm uberly sorry! I hope this was worth it!

I don't really have anything interesting to say.... Sorry...

Oh yeah.

MORE REVIEWS THIS TIME! I'm waiting for eight reviews and nothing less! If I don't get them, it's your loss, I can keep on waiting, I'm in no hurry.

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: 411 On Dating My Sister**

Shikamaru groaned hugely. How the hell did he always get into these messes?

Oh yeah. His mom made him.

**Flashback**

_"You better go on a date with her, Shikamaru!"_

_"...Or what..?"_

_"Do you really want to know?"_

_"No..."_

_"And you're still standing here because...?"_

_"Yes, ma'am, getting ready right now!"_

**End flashback**

_When in doubt, blame your parents._ Shikamaru sighed unhappily, looking at himself in the mirror. _Well... at least I don't look _too_ bad..._

**Elsewhere...**

"Why are you all dressed up?" Kankurou asked Temari when she came downstairs later that night.

"I'm going out," she said haughtily.

"You look weird," he said bluntly, going back to his video-game (Actually it was Shikamaru's, but Shika never used it, so why should it go to waste?)

Temari flushed slightly; she had gone to extra pains to make herself look nice tonight, since Kibishii had promised her a fancy date. She had borrowed a dress from Kibishii (having no dresses of her own that were fancy enough) and thought she looked exceptionally nice in it. It was black velor, with spaghetti straps and a low back, and reached her mid-thigh. There were red rinestones along the hem of her skirt, gradually decreasing in density as they rose up to her waist. Around her neck she wore a black silk ribbon with a tear-drop ruby hanging from the center. For shoes she wore her regular ninja sandals (incidentally, they're called _zori_...), just in case (Sunaga nins were always prepared). She had even gone to such lengths as to take a hair-straightener to her normally unrully, rough hair, and had successfully been able to tie it back Legolas-style with a black ribbon.

"What's wrong with the way I look?" she asked angrily, putting her hands on her hips.

"Oh, god, where do I begin?" he said in a long-suffering voice, putting the game on pause, as Gaara slowly stalked into the room. "Hey, Gaara, got done with threapy? My 'therapist'" (He formed quotations with his fingers) "says I'm getting along nicely."

"Hn." Gaara stopped when he saw Temari. He looked her up and down a few times, taking in her new attire; the room (consisting of only the sand nins) was quiet, waiting for the verdict. "...Whoa," he said finally.

"Good '...Whoa,' or bad '...Whoa'?" Temari asked uncertainly.

Gaara shrugged. "I don't know. You looked different."

Temari frowned, putting her hands on her hips again; they had fallen when Gaara entered. She decided to spell it out for him. "Do I look pretty, Gaara?"

Kankurou glanced from Gaara to Temari, then back to Gaara. He, of course, had the knowledge to simply shrug and mumble something incoherent and go back to whatever he had been doing. Gaara, on the other hand, had never been presented with such a situation. The results could be amusing, educational, horrifying, or all of the above.

Gaara paused, looking his sister up and down again while she waited. Then, there was another moment of silence.

"Henh..." He walked away.

"Wha--?!" Temari's jaw dropped. She whirled around to face Kankurou. "Kankurou, am I pretty?!" she demanded.

He shrugged, making a "so-so" motion with his hand, and making an "Ehhh..." noise. "Not really my type. Besides, I've known you since..." He thought for a moment. "...Ever. I can't really look at you without thinking about the damn blonde brat who kept hitting me with the cieling fan."

Temari smiled a little; such fond memories. She frowned, taking in the rest of what he'd said. "What _is _your type, Kankurou?" she asked curiously, straightening her dress.

".......Why?" He gave her a suspicious look.

"I was just wondering. You've never had a girlfriend, or anything, so I was wondering." She shrugged a little.

He glared. "Oh, yeah, like you're Miss Pimp-tress!"

She flushed. "Shut up! I had a boyfriend in seventh grade!"

"Ri-i-ight, yeah, the one who filed for a restraining order?" Kankurou smirked.

Temari flushed. "Shut up! I needed a training partner! Was that so wrong?!"

"It's a little thing called 'abuse,' Temari, have you heard of it?"

"...No."

Kankurou starred at her. _I think she's telling the truth..._

**Meanwhile, upstairs...**

Shikamaru grimaced, looking at his reflection. _I hate this! Why should I have to do this, anyway?! It's not like this is joining nations, or anything._

_....Ok, well, technically, it is... But I gotta get out of this! In no way, shape or form am I going to leave this room!_

_Knock, knock, knock._

"Go away! Leave me alone!" Shikamaru shouted at the door.

...._Knock, knock, knock._

"Gaah... Leave me alone!" he repeated, glaring at his reflection in the mirrior. Some would think it unmanly to have a full-lnegth mirror in one's bedroom, but he found it came in handy.

_KNOCK! KNOCK!! KNOCK!!! WHAM!_

The door fell off it's hinges. Shikamaru jumped, whirling around. "What the f--"

Gaara glared at him. "We need to talk."

"Uh... I'm kind of busy."

"If you can't talk and be busy at the same time, you're stupid."

Well, _that_ was an insult one must never take lying down! Shikamaru scowled. "Talk to me."

Gaara placed the door back on it's hinges with surprising accuracy, then turned on Shikamaru again. "You're going on a date with my sister."

"...Yes?" _Was it a question or a statement?_

"Then here are the rules," Gaara said calmly, reaching into one of the pockets located on the side of his pants.

_There are rules...?_

Gaara whipped out a small memo pad and flipped open the cover. He cleared his throat and began to read. "Rule 1, _No physical contact_. Any violation of this rule will result in squishing."

Shikamaru shrugged. This was the first date; physical contact wasn't really a problem yet.

"Rule 2, _No eye contact_. Any violation of this rule will result in squishing."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, but let it slide; it wasn't like he and Temari ever made eye contact, anyway.

"Rule 2, _No cheap dates. _Any dinner/meal costing less then 1000 yen will result in squishing." (A/N: 1000 yen: around 8.50, US currency)

Shikamaru didn't really react. His parents were paying for the whole shebang.

"Rule 3, _Do not speak unless it is to compliment her in a non-sexual way. _Any violation of this rule will result in squishing."

Shikamaru starred. This was getting out of hand... Gaara wasn't serious, was he?

**Meanwhile, in a room down the hall...**

Temari frowned worriedly, tugging at her hair. "It doesn't look right... I don't really look like me anymore."

"That's a good thing," Kibishii reassured her. The two of them had united (somewhat) in making sure Temari had a date with Shikamaru. Kibishii had spent the better part of an hour doing Temari's hair, and now was determined she kept it that way.

"But--"

"Nnn!" (translation: Shut up and deal!)

"But--"

"Nnn-ehh!" (transation: Why won't you shut up?)

"Wh--"

"NN!"

**Across the hall...**

"Rule 478," Gaara continued. Shikamaru felt his brain turning into goo trying to remember all the rules. "_Maintain a five-foot radius from her at all times. _Any violation of this rule will result in squishing."

Shikamaru starred. What was he supposed to do during dinner? Ask for a seperate table and shout over the distance?!

"Rule 479, _No disrespect; _if she comes home disappointed, the result will be squishing." Gaara gave him a look. "Rule 480, _Obey all of the above_." He closed his little memo book. "You're dismissed."

"This is my room!"

"Oh yeah..." Gaara walked out, looking around as if just realizing that this was not, in fact, his broom closet.

Shikamaru groaned and sat down on his bed, running his nails over his scalp. _This is too frickin' much! _He looked up when the door opened again. "Hey, Kankie."

"My name is Kankurou," Kankurou snapped, plopping down on his futon. "Kan-kur-ou. Not Kank. Not Kankie. _Kankurou._"

"No kidding, dude. What do you want?"

"Huh?"

"What do you want?" Shikamaru repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"Well..." Kankurou paused, looking at Shikamaru for what seemed like the first time since entering the room.

He burst out laughing. falling off his futon.

Shikamaru blushed slightly. "Shut up... What did you want?"

"Huh..?" Kankurou thought for a moment. "Oh, yeah." He took out a camera and snapped a picture of Shikamaru.

"ACK!" Shikamaru saw white spots for a few minutes. "Is that for blackmail or something?!"

"No, this is in case I have to hunt you down." Kankurou walked out.

Shikamaru felt himself sweat.

"Oh, yeah, Shikamaru?" Kankurou popped his head back in. "Nice suit." He walked out laughing.

Shikamaru groaned and left, as well, going to the broom closet down the hall and knocking. "Gaara?"

Gaara opened the door and poked his head out. "What?"

Shikamaru sighed. "Could you do me a favor?"

"...And what?"

"Well, if you could just squish me, right now, that would be great, because I know I'm going to goof up." Shikamaru closed his eyes, waiting for Gaara to kill him, and praying for admitance to heaven if he did so.

Gaara stared at him for a few minutes, then closed the door.

"Hey, I'm serious!" Shikamaru shouted, banging on the door. "Come on, Gaara, squish me!"

"No!"

"Why not?!"

"Because!"

"Because why?!"

"Because you're confusing me!"

Shikamaru starred at the door for a few minutes.

"Hey, Shikamaru, you ready to go?"

"Yeah, just a--" Shikamaru turned around. His jaw dropped.

**A few moments of silence**

Temari blushed a little. "What?" She looked away.

Shikamaru continued to stare.

"You're making eye contact!" Gaara shouted.

Temari raised an eyebrow. "Are they doing that again?"

"'_Again_'?! They've done this before?!"

"Did Kankurou take your picture for your wanted sign yet?"

"Yeah..."

"Kankurou!" Temari shouted, going back to Shikamaru's room (How Kankurou got there so fast is beyond me). She threw open the door and grabbed her brother by the front of his shirt. "If I didn't promise Mother on her _deathbed_ that I wouldn't _kill you_," she said in a cold, deadly voice, "_I would kill you!_"

"Yeah, and believe me, no one appreciates that more then I do," Kankurou whimpered, cowering.

Temari dropped him and went back into the hall; Shikamaru was still in the same position, starring blankly at where she had been standing. "Forget about them, let's just have fun."

"Rule 187, _No fun!_" Gaara shouted from the broom closet.

"Aw, shove it, Gaara," Temari called, pulling Shikamaru down the stairs.

* * *

Now I remember what I wanted to say!

I helped H-R write one of her chapters for _Suna's Kekkai Genaki_! She added alot of crap in, but go read chapter five (when she posts it) and see if you can tell which is which!

PEACE.


	12. Third Degree Again!

**Genius In Love**

Just a quick note, guys... My school sucks like a kitten on crack, so for now, I'm going to be studying and working my ass off so that next year when I'm 16, I can take the G.E.D. and get out of there and go to college.

Yes, that is legal and possible.

My classes suck balls, and I'm quitting one of them and moving a level lower, and so, for now until, like.... whenever my grades pull up and I can do all my work alright, I won't be able to work as hard on my fics. I will certainly work on them in my free time and on weekends though! It just might take longer for me to get chapters out... so please, bare with me.

Wish me luck!

P.S.: I didn't get a part in the play at all. H-R got a part but only because she's a senior. NOT THAT HER AUDITION DIDN'T ROCK THEY SOCKS!

Key:

**(Time difference)**

**Lyrics, flashback announcements**

**Music cues**

_Thoughts, flashback_

"Itachi speaking"

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Third Degree!...Again!**

Shikzamaru yawned hugely, shlumping up the stairs to his room; occasionally, he ran into a wall, but he didn't notice.

He was in ecstacy.

He and Temari had just had the bst first date ever!

...Not that he had anything to compare it to. Temari had found it highly amusing when Shikamaru told her he'd never been on a date... if you excluded the countless number of times he'd trailed after Sakura and Sasuke whenever they went anywhere, on Ino's orders (Naruto was with them, but apparently, that was unimportant).

Except for that little tweak, Shikamaru had had an awesome time. And he also learned alot about Temari, through information she gave him unconsciously. For example, she was very protective and very close to her brothers, even if they seemed to hate each other. She liked fried or grilled squid. She didn't like most fruits, although her perfurm smelled citrusy. She was the only one in the Sand Siblings who looked like their mother. She was also the only one Gaara would even begin to talk to. Her eyes were actually not emerald-color, they were more of a deep-sea green. She liked watching soap operas. Her favorite color was purple, but she tended to drift towards red every now and then. She had had her huge fan-weapon since childhood, and could successfully beat any random person out of the sand with it. She was stubborn as all hell.

Shikamaru? A stalker?

Nah. Never.

Ok, maybe a little. But, to be honest, he hadn't known anything about the girl other then the fact that she was, 1. female, 2. a Sand-nin, 3. A blonde, and 4. Not one to mess around with.

Shikamaru sighed a little, pulling off the tie his mother had insisted on confining him to... and then taking pictures for proof of his torture.

As soon as her back was turned, that suit was going to buuuuurn.

He twisted the doorknob to his room and stepped in, frowning when he found it pitch black. "Kankurou? Did you turn off all the lights again?" He better not be trying to hide from the deer in here again...

Shikamaru suddenly felt himself being jerked down by a pull on both wrists and feet, falling onto a hard wood chair. "Hey--! Guys--!" A light suddenly clicked on over his head, casting him into a small circle of light (SNG: -hums Circle Of Life-). He found himself bound to the chair by bands of sand around his hands, chest and ankles. He glanced up, fearing the worst.

That's exactly what he got.

"Talk," Kankurou growled, shining the flashlight in Shikamaru's face.

"Uh...." Shikamaru looked around. Gaara's face leered over his, as well. "We... had a good... time?"

Kankurou and Gaara looked at each other. "They had a good time."

Gaara whipped out the memo-book again, to see if that was against on of the rules. When he found it wasn't, he shrugged. "Continue."

"...And um.... we.... had a good time."

Gaara and Kankurou turned their backs to him (SNG: huddle up, men! Game plan!). There were a few whispers, but Shikamaru didn't bother to try and hear them.

Finally, they turned around again.

"You broke the most important rule," Gaara announced.

"...Huh?" What was this guy talkin' about?! He hadn't touched her... much... or disrespected her, or been cheep or sent rabid squirrels after her (yes, that was a rule) or anything! What rule had he broken?!

"You didn't kiss her."

Shikamaru's jaw dropped.

(SNG: Dear god, Gaara, you've done the unthinkable.)

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?! KISSING IS PHYSICAL CONTACT! WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS THING TO JUST CONFUSE ME OUT OF MY MIND?! WHAT IS THIS, 'CONFUSE-SHIKAMARU' DAY?!" (Copied from H-R's _Three Again. _Peace!)

Kankurou and Gaara backed away.

"Wow, and here, I thought he was kidding." A streak of light poured into the room.

Kankurou and Gaara whirled around.

"T-Temari...!" Kankurou gulped.

Shikamaru did a little wave with his wrists still tied down.

Gaara actually looked a little worried.

**(A Few Minutes later)**

"Come on, Shikamaru, your mom made sundaes!" Temari pulled Shikamaru out of the room.

Gaara looked down at the bleeding ball of crap that was his older brother. "You're pathetic, you know that?"

"......Shut up......."

**(The next day)**

"_I'm_ planning the next date!"

_NEXT date?!_

"I'm thinking we could go on, like a picnic, or go to another restaurant, or go shopping, or--"

_WOW, read light!_ "How bout we just go to each of the restaurants and get a little bit of everything and make a meal out of it?" _Anything but shopping!_

**Flashback**

_"Shikamaru! Hold those bags straight!"_

_"Yeah yeah..."_

_"What was that?!"_

_"Nothing nothing..."_

_Chouji gave his friend a worried look; he would gladly take a few of the bags, seeing as they seemed far too much in weight, size and quantity, and, most importantly, troublesomeness. However, Ino never let him carry the bags, since he was "sure to get crumbs in them."_

What kind of team goes shopping on missions anyway?

**End flashback**

Shikamaru opened his eyes, trying to shake the flashback away. _Evil evil evil evil evil!_

He 'ulped a little.

Temari was craning her neck so her face was directly under his, starring up at him in a very "Bored-Gaara" expression. (And not the "Bored-Gaara" that kills countless millions to take up his time!) "Boo."

"ACK!" Shikamaru jumped up and ran away. And not because of the "boo."

Oh, no. Something far worse!

His hormones had just had a think-attack.

_Dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit!_


	13. When All Else Fails, Don't Eat The Green...

**Genius In Love**

_A holiday special..._

**S.N.G.'s Little Newsletter:**

**New Manga releases:**

Bleach, Vol. 3 (or 4...): A pretty good book, all around. The series is also very good, if you like comic/serious situations with hilarious main characters and supernatural sources. If you already know the series, go buy this book today! (Or... hint at it so other people will buy it for Christmas presents!)

NARUTO, Vol. 5: Introducing: The Chuunin exam! Konoha Genins find themselves subject to welcoming Nins from other villages, as well as those in their own city borders. Sasuke finds himself a new rival in "the spook with the gourd" and Sakura meets another guy who likes her... BUY BUY BUY!!

**SHONEN JUMP GOES ON SALE DECEMBER 7TH, TO THOSE INTERESTED!**

**Upcoming Birthdays:**

Anyone? Anyone? Any November/December babies out there? Let me know if there are!

Hmm... can't think of anything else... if there are any columns any one would like to have put up, please let me know! I'll be updating this every once and a while between now and Christmas.

Sorry for the long wait, btw!

* * *

**Chapter 13: When All Else Fails, Don't Eat The Green Ones **

Shikamaru groaned hugely, strolling aimlessly down the grass-covered path that would normally take him to the Genin training grounds, if that would so be his goal. However, Shikamaru had no goal. Never had, never would. Now was no exception.

Exactly why having Temari's face so close to his posed a problem was beyond him. In his Genin days, Ino had come even closer then that. But that was normally to yell at him.

Damn but that woman had a long spitting range.

Shuddering slightly, he shoved his hands in his pockets and kept walking. It was stupid, running away like a little kid. It wasn't very manly.

_...Holy shit that sounded like..._

"LEE! MY WONDEROUS PUPIL! HOW ARE WE TODAY???"

"FINE, SENSEI!!"

"Speak of the devil." Shikamaru groaned and kept walking.

"NARA SHIKAMARU!" Gai threw an arm around Shikamaru's shoulders.

_Damn. Not fast enough. _Shikamaru groaned again.

"HOW ARE YOU ON THIS FINE DAY IN KONOHA???"

_Why does he insist on shouting every godgiven sentence? Maybe if I don't answer, he'll think I've been struck dumb..._

"OUT FOR A MORNING STROLL?? EXCELLENT!! YOUTHFUL ENERGY IS SO MAGNIFICENT, IS IT NOT, LEE??"

"YES, SENSEI!"

Shikamaru winced and tried to keep walking, pulling to be pulled back by the energetic 'Green beasts' of Konoha (However, to every academy student who'd seen them, Lee and Gai were known as "the green boogers.").

"WHAT'S TROUBLING YOU, MY BOY?? GIRLS??"

"I DO NOT HAVE GIRL PROBLEMS!!" Shikamaru shouted, hitting Gai's arm away.

Gai and Lee backed away.

"I AM NOT IMMATURE, OR STUPID, OR A BABY, OR COMMITMENT-PHOBIC, OR A FUCKWIT BOYFRIEND, ALRIGHT?!"

Gai and Lee looked at each other.

"Don't like the whole kissing thing, do you, Shikamaru-san?" Lee asked, smiling knowingly.

"S-Shut up!" Shikamaru felt his face turn red. _Dammit!_

"HAVE NO FEAR, NARA SHIKAMARU!! LEE AND I WILL ASSIST YOU IN THIS PREDICAMENT, WILL WE NOT, LEE???"

"GAI-SENSEI! YOU'RE SO THOUGHTFUL!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

HUG!

_Oh, god. _Shikamaru covered his eyes, his eyebrow twitching insanely.

"WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM, NARA SHIKAMARU???"

Twitch. "I HAVE NO PROBLEMS!"

"I SEE! COME, LEE! INTERVENTION!"

"YES, SENSEI!"

"Huh--? Wha--ACK!" Shikamaru yelped as Gai and Lee grabbed him and started walking away with him. "HEY! LEGGO!"

"Ha ha, L'eggo My Eggo!" Lee said brightly, and continued walking.

Shikamaru: O.o!!! "LET GO OF ME! I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP!"

**(Five minutes later)  
**

"WELCOME TO GAI AND LEE'S SCHOOL OF LOVE!"

_Oh, dear god..._

"FIRST LESSON: ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS!"

Twitch. "I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING THAT I'D NEED TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS!"

**(Ten Minutes later)**

"I hate you," Shikamaru growled angrily.

"THAT CANNOT BE HELPED, MY YOUNG EXAMPLE OF YOUTH!" Gai laughed happily and gave him a push out into the street. "NOW GO FIND LOVE!"

Shikamaru gulped, glancing up the street, where Temari and Gaara were food-shopping, then back at Gai and Lee, who were standing in an alleyway.

Gai gave him the thumbs up.

Teeth: Ping!

Shikamaru groaned, and glanced over at Temari again, shoving his hands in his pockets. Temari was now standing by an open-air shop, looking at some kind of food. Gaara glanced over at him.

Shikamaru: Shivvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvveerrrrrr!!!

"Bad idea, bad idea, bad idea!" He zoomed into the alleyway again. "Bad, bad, bad, very bad!"

"What is wrong, Shikamaru-kun???" Lee asked.

"Gaara--wanted poster--rules--squish--I.W.C.--squish--broom closets--I CAN'T!" Shikamaru banged his head on the alley wall between each word.

Gai and Lee looked at each other. "Come again?" Lee asked confusedly.

**(Fifteen Minutes Later)**

"My god, that booger gave me homework." Shikamaru starred at the piece of paper in his hand. "AND set us up on another date. Without even asking me!" He scowled.

_SHOW YOUR APPRECIATION FOR THIS MARVELOUS YOUTHFUL EVENT BY ENJOYING YOURSELF SUPREMELY! ACTING WILL THEN LEAD TO ACTUAL DOING! BEST OF LUCK, MY SOON-TO-BE-GREEN-BEAST!_

_When the men in white coats come for him, I'm gonna give 'em a swift kick in the balls for taking so long._


	14. In The Event Of Emergency, Use Force

**Genius In Love**

SOB! I have no inspiration for this story anymore! I need ideas! Please tell me what you want to see!

**Chapter Fourteen: In The Event Of Emergency, Use Force**

"You cannot be serious."

"I AM, MY WONDERFUL, YOUTHFUL STUDENT!"

Twitch. "I AM NOT YOU STUDENT!"

"NEVERMIND. YOU SHALL ATTEND A MATINEE WITH MISS TEMARI AND YOU SHALL ENJOY IT THOROUGHLY!"

"...Why?"

"BECAUSE LEE AND I SHALL BE WITH YOU THE ENTIRE WAY!" Gai clapped a hand on Lee's shoulder, giving Shikamaru the Nice-guy pose.

Teeth: Ping!

"Gai-sensei! You're so thoughtful! I'm glad I have you to look up to!"

"LEE..."

"GAI-SENSEI!"

HUG! (Doesn't it make you feel all warm n fuzzy inside??? Kyuubi: How 'bout no?)

"...You can_not_ be serious."

**(Later, at the Theater...)**

"My god, he was serious." Shikamaru starred at the bowl-cut heads a few rows behind him and Temari where they were waiting for the movie to begin.

Temari, of course, was oblivious to everything except the huge head that was in her way. "HEY!" she shouted, her annoyance finally catching up with her as she threw her popcorn at the back of the man's head. "MOVE IT! I'M TRYING TO WATCH!"

"U-um, Temari..." Shikamaru said weakly, more out of mortal fear of Gai then anything, tugging on her arm, "L-leave the nice man alone... Please?"

"He's in my way!"

"Yes, and he shall burn in hell for it," Shikamaru reassured her.

"This is stupid, let's just go home and watch a movie." She stood up.

"Wait!" He tugged her back down.

"What?" She looked at him oddly.

"Let's sneak out!" He grinned, to show he was playing a game (a.k.a., sneak out so Gai-sensei couldn't see them), and crawled towards the door.

She shrugged, following him on her hands and knees. "Ok."

**(A few minutes later, at the Nara-household)**

Shikamaru stared at the screen. It could be worse. It could be alot worse. It could be suicidal-impressing.

Gai could be here.

Thank the lord for Lee's methods of persuaision in keeping his sensei in the theater (A.K.A.: Shika gave him 1000 yen and a 'date' with Sakura.).

"Ok, time for movie!" Temari plopped down next to him with a large bowl of popcorn. "This was a good idea! Alot better then going to some theater!"

"Yeah... fun." Shikamaru glared at Kankurou, who was sprawled on the floor at his feet, waiting for the previews to finish (H-R who knows what movie it is: There's no previews in this movie... SNG:......this is the new...hip version!), and Gaara, who was seated in Shikato's Chair (which was, now and heretofor, Gaara's chair).

"What are we walking?" Kankurou asked boredly, propping his chin up in his hand. "And it better not be some mooshy, romance thing, cuz, to be honest, you ain't that pretty, Gaara."

"Shut up."

"What are we watching?" Kankurou repeated.

"A nice movie," Temari answered, smiling brightly.

Instantly, they began to worry.

The movie began.

"..."

"I am _not_ watching this."

"...W...well, wow, Temari.."

"I am _not_ watching this!" Kankurou repeated, standing up. "I REFUSE!"

"Shut up, Kankurou." Temari glared at him. "You're in the way."

Kankurou: Deep breath.

"Oh, god." Shikamaru groaned.

"THIS MOVIE PROMOTES GROWING ATTACHMENTS WITH INNOCENT WOODLAND CREATURES! I WILL NOT SUPPORT IT! I DEMAND THAT THIS TAPE BE BURNED!" Kankurou shouted, pointing at the screen.

"Save it for your book, Kankurou." Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "What happened to therapy?" he whispered to Temari.

"Screw it, I love this movie." She shushed him.

**(A little later)**

Shikamaru daydreamed a little. The movie didn't really interest him.

Temari watched with bated breath.

Gaara was confused.

"I'm not watching this!" Kankurou said through clenched teeth from where he was chained to Gaara's Chair (Gaara was willing to give it up for the time-being, as it was for a good cause).

**(Five minutes later)**

"....?"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Kankurou wailed, throwing the pillow he'd been clutching for dear life at the TV. "STUPID HUMAN HUNTER MAN THING! HOW DARE YOU?!

"Shut up, Kankurou!" Temari snapped.

"This _is_ therapy, isn't it?" Shikamaru said in her ear.

"Ain't I just the sneakiest?" She grinned and went back to watching.

**(A few minutes later)**

"Those flames are not real," Kankurou said for the fifteenth time.

"Would you like to go check for yourself and spare us the noise?" Gaara rolled his eyes.

"This is very ingenius," Shikamaru whispered to Temari.

"I know." Temari grinned again.

**(At the end of the movie...)**

"That....documentory changed my entire outlook on life," Kankurou stated, looking as if dazed.

"Dude, it was just--"

"Shut up, human-pineapple man!" Kankurou shouted, pointing. "You haven't been observing their natural habitat! I had... No idea they were so... caring towards each other!"

"Dude, it was just _Bambi._ Get over it."

H-R: write more please

SNG: I have no inspiration. If SOMEONE would just help me and be my muse, things would go faster! Right now, I'm completely involved in my Apprentice fic....

....IDEA!


	15. Finding Bambi

**Genius In Love**

You guys need to thank Kie-san for this chappie... she gave me the inspiration. So, much love, Kie-san.

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen: Finding Bambi**

Shikamaru yawned, rolling over; he was very tired. And when Nara Shikamaru was tired, he tended to stay put and sleep.

Shove. "Shikamaru, wake up!"

"No."

Shove. "Yes! I have a present for you!"

"It's not Christmas..."

"Don't care!" Shove. "Open your eyes!"

Shikamaru came to an immeadiate conclusion: whoever was trying to wake him up was damn annoying and damn persistant, and wouldn't go away until Shikamaru obliged. He groaned and cracked an eye open.

Blink blink.

O.o!!!

A pair of large, brown eyes starred back.

Blink.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Shikamaru jumped up onto the small shelf above his bed. "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT DOING IN MY ROOM?!"

Kankurou grinning, petting the fawn's head. "Isn't he precious??"

Shikamaru starred. _What the hell is wrong with this picture?!_

**Flashback**

_"WHY ARE THERE SO MANY 'INNOCENT WOODLAND CREATURES' IN THIS VILLAGE?!" Kankurou shouted, his face blue from having ran so fast._

_"Huh?" (Eyebrow raised)_

_"THE THINGS WITH THE STICKS ON THEIR HEADS!"_

_"The deer?"_

_"YEAH THOSE!" Kankurou nodded energetically. "I read about them in the book about this village! They sit and wait until you're all nonexpecting, and then, BANG!" He assumed a dramatic, low voice. "They suck out your soul!"_

_If it were physically possible, Shikamaru's eyebrow would have left his head _

_in it's quest to get higher._

_"Are you for real?"_

_"YES, I'M FOR REAL!"_

_"Why are you so afraid of them if they're 'harmless woodland creatures'?" Shikamaru asked, forming quoations with his fingers._

_"They're born with weapons on their heads!" Kankurou shouted frantically. "And I'm not afraid," he added huffily._

**End Flashback**

**Flashback**

_"He thinks the deer outside want to suck out his soul," Shikamaru provided._

_Gaara and Temari backed slowly away from Kankurou._

**End Flashback**

**Flashback**

_Kankurou, meanwhile, was watching a butterfly fly around over their heads. The butterfly happened to fly behind them, and, as Kankurou leaned backwards to continue watching it, he came face to face with--_

_"AN INNOCENT WOODLAND CREATURE!"_

_A feminine scream followed._

**End flashback**

**Flashback**

_"YOU JUST CAN'T SEE THEM! YOU'RE BLIND! Y'ALL'RE BLIND!"_

_Gaara raised a nonexistent eyebrow. "Kankurou, do I look blind to you?"_

_"Nope."_

_"Then I should be able to see the deer's hands if it had some, right?"_

_"Yep. You also should be able to see the horns and the blood caked on it's mouth, so I guess you probably are blind." Kankurou's face assumed a sudden horrified expression an he gripped the tree trunk as if his life depended on it. "I KNOW WHAT THIS IS!" he shouted, pointing at them. "YOU'VE ALREADY HAD YOUR SOULS SUCKED OUT OF YOUR BRAINS BY THE INNOCENT WOODLAND CREATURES AND NOW YOU'RE TRYING TO DRIVE ME INSANE SO I'LL COME DOWN THERE ARE YOU CAN ATTACK ME!" He nodded knowingly. "Well, I'm onto your game now, YOU WON'T GET MY SOUL, DAMMIT!"_

_Shikamaru sighed. "I vote we go out for smoothies," he said, raising his hand as if voting._

_"Agreed." Gaara walked out of the clearing, followed by Temari._

_"YEAH THAT'S RIGHT!" Kankurou shouted. "RUNNIN' AWAY TO MEET WITH YOUR MASTER AND MAKE A NEW EVIL PLOT, 'CAUSE I ALREADY GUESSED YOURS, AREN'T YOU? RUN AWAY, YOU SERVANTS OF THE WOODLAND CREATURES_!"

_"Good bye, Kankurou." Temari left the clearing._

**End Flashback**

**Flashback**

_"HA-HA!" Kankurou pointed a mocking finger at them. "DAMMIT, I WAS RIGHT _

_AGAIN! YOU CAN'T SEE THEM! THEY TOOK YOUR SOUL, BUT WOULD NOT LET YOU SEE _

_THEM FOR WHAT THEY REALLY ARE! DAMMIT, I AM ON A ROLL!" He grabbed the crayon and bent over the piece of paper, scribbling madly._

**End flashback**

_What happened to the good old pyschotic days?_ Shikamaru wondered, watching Kankurou pet the fawn on the head and giggle to himself. _Not that this is any better..._

"Communing with nature is fun!" Kankurou said happily. (h-r: hee! Shaman King!!!!)

"Kankurou... put that goddamn creature back." Shikamaru groaned and rolled over.

"No!"

"...'Scuse me?"

"No!" Kankurou wrapped his arms around the fawn's neck. (Fawn: -squeeeez!(H-R: O.o))

"...Kankurou, buddy, pal, miscellanious stranger from another village, do you remember what you used to call them?" Shikamaru was trying veeery hard to be kind and understand.

"Yep. The Innocent Woodland Creatures," Kankurou said brightly.

"Uh-huh. It's an innocent woodland creature. Now, go put it back in the woodland." Shikamaru pointed out the door.

"But--"

Shikamaru pointed.

"But I--"

Point!

"I brought him for you!" Lub-dub.

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "I already own them all."

"I know, but he was supposed to be a present for you!"

"...'he'?" Shikamaru's eyebrows skyrocketed.

"Yeah. Bambi!" Kankurou grinned hugely, nodding to the fawn.

Shikamaru: O.o

Temari knocked on the doorframe to Shikamaru's room. "Um.. Kankurou?" She paused when she saw the fawn. "Oh, did you give it to him?"

Kankurou nodded, grinning hugely. "Yep!"

"Isn't it cute?" Temari asked, grinning.

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "Are you in on this?"

"I helped him catch it!" she said happily.

"...Oh god." Shikamaru groaned. _They're all looney._

**Later that day**

Shikamaru glared down at the little brown fawn at his side, who starred back up with large, brown, innocent eyes from the end of the leash Shikamaru had it on.

It blinked.

And chewed grass.

And blinked.

And chewed grass.

"What's so great about a deer?" he wondered out loud.

"Um... Shikamaru?"

He turned; Temari was standing behind him a few paces, looking almost uncomfortable. "Yeah?"

"I, um... I came to tell you that..." She shifted slightly, shuffing her shoe on the ground. "We're leaving tonight."

"And 'we' would equal to...?" Shikamaru wasn't concerned; it was probably just a date he'd forgotten about, and she was reminding him.

"Me and my brothers."

"Eh?" Shikamaru was confused.

"Me and my brothers got called back to Sunaga," she explained, looking as if she'd rather have her insides fried thensaying this. "We're leaving tonight."

"Ok, well, you'll be back later, then." He nodded understandingly, squatting down on the ground, bored of standing.

"No..."

"Eh?" He glanced up at her.

"We're not coming back." Now, she looked almost on the verge of tears.

_...Whoa, time out!_ Inner-Shikamaru held his hands in the shape of a T. _Temari could cry?! _"What d'you mean, you're not coming back??"

"We broke the law," she answered. "We weren't even supposed to stay any longer then our mission implied. Now we're going to be placed under house arrest as soon as we go back."

"Um..." Shikamaru glanced around, as if hoping for relief from his current situation. "Ok?"

She looked at him long and hard, as if expecting something.

"Um... Bye?"

She sighed heavily and turned on her heel and started back inside. "Ok, well, I just wanted to tell you."

Shikamaru looked down at the fawn, who looked back. "_Now_, what'd I do?"

"Hey, 'Kamaru."

Shikamaru turned. "Hey, Chouji. All nice and rounded again?" He smirked at his best friend's ball-like edges.

Chouji nodded, grinning. "Those girls finally backed off." He gave Shikamaru a sly look. "What about you and _your_ girl?"

"...How'd you hear about that?"

"Heard it through the grapevine."

"Ok, let me rephrase that: How'd _Ino_ hear that?"

"Sakura."

"Where'd _Sakura_ hear it from?"

"Naruto."

"Where'd _Naruto_ hear it from?"

"Gaara."

"Where'd _G_--Wait, he lives with me, nevermind." Shikamaru groaned. "So, basically, everybody knows?"

"Yep." Chouji plopped down next to him with a bag of chips.

"Oh, well, it doesn't matter." Shikamaru laid back on the grass, glaring at the fawn.

"Why not? Hey, what's with the deer?"

"'Present' from Kankurou. And it doesn't matter because she's leaving tonight to go back to Sunaga."

"No, she's not."

"Yes, she is, Chouji. She broke the law."

"Shikamaru, Shikamaru, Shikamaru," Chouji said in a long-suffering voice. "Who do you know that watches TV more then me?" (H-R: SNG...no wait......yep SNG.)

"Uh, no one."

"Ok, well, if I'm the expert on the situation, which I am, she's not going to leave."

"What makes you so sure?" Shikamaru asked, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye.

"Because, think about it. No one in TV ever really leaves. They always decide at the last minute that they're going to stay." Chouji nodded confidentally.

"What if you're wrong?"

"I shouldn't, not if TV really is the mirror to our natural lives."

Shikamaru thought about this while Chouji finished that bag of chips and opened another one. "Hey, what about that Doctor in _ER_? She really _did_ leave!" He glared at his friend.

"Yeah, but _ER_is _real _life," Chouji answered, not missing a beat.

"...So basically, you're telling me that she can't go because it would break the laws of everything you hold dear?"

"Yep."

_Ok, I could see where the truth would lie in this._ Shikamaru shrugged. "Ok, fine, if she's not leaving, she's not leaving."

"She won't leave."

_Well, I_ hope _not..._

**Later that Night**

Shikamaru and his family (mom and dad) stood in the foyer of their household. Shikamaru and his dad had just helped the Sand nins carry out the last of their luggage (all of which was Temari's), and were now saying their good-byes.

Gaara just gave the Nara family a passing glance and walked out to wait by the luggage.

Kankurou, on the other hand, went to each individual in turn and gave them a bone-breaking hug. When he got to Shikamaru, he looked on the verge of overly-dramatic tears, and said in a hoarse voice, "Take care of Bambi, ok?" and then patted him on the shoulder and walked down so none of them could see his face.

_Oh, yeah, I'll _take care _of him, all right. _Shikamaru glared at the Sand-nin's back. _Overly-dramatic 'sand nin.' One venison stew, coming up!_(H-R: X.x fomal....claps hands together: funeral for bambi funeral for bambi (Three Again ref))

When Temari got to Shikamaru, she stood waiting for him to hug her, but he didn't. Kibishii and Shikato stood waiting for him to hug her, but he didn't. Kankurou stood waiting (chewing on a napkin all blubbery-eyed) for him to hug her, but he didn't. Gaara stood, sand at the ready for squishing, waiting for him to hug her, but he didn't.

"Come on, Shikamaru, hug me and say good bye," Temari prompted.

"Yeah, hug her and say good-bye," Gaara said through gritted teeth, his sand waiting to pounce on the 'unsuspecting' leaf chuunin.

"No," Shikamaru said stubbornly. "You're not leaving."

Gaara was so surprised, the sand fell back.

"What?" was the general outcry.

"Yes, I am," Temari said stubbornly.

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am, now give me a hug so I can go!" she ordered.

Dammit, Chouji, you liar! So, Shikamaru had a problem; she was leaving, there was no doubt about that. There was nothing he could do, except one thing. But that one thing would cost him his ego, reputation and self-respect. But, he decided she was worth it. So he did the only thing a man could do in this situation.

He got down on his knees, threw his arms around her waist, and said, "Marry me."

* * *

(H-R:........) 

(H-R read it again)

(H-R:......)

(H-R:....oh shit....)


	16. Hell Hath No Fury

**Genius In Love**

SNG is at a brain-blockage for Apprentice... and since H-R has been breathing down her neck to write this.... she is.

Kyuubi: H-R is right now in the room for her. That's the only reason.

Shut up... You'll have to excuse me if this chappie is kinda short... I don't have that many ideas for this anymore. The Innocent Woodland creatures gave me total inspiration, so I wrote like mad, but now I don't have that much anymore...

Please don't hurt me!

P.S.: You know who I haven't heard from in a while? Midori. What's up with that? I miss your funny reviews! (Actually, knowing me, I prolly did get them, but didn't realize it.

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen: Hell Hath No Fury**

**Flashback**

_He got down on his knees, threw his arms around her waist, and said, "Marry me!"_

**End flashback**

"Dammit, what the hell?" Gaara looked through every single page in his memo pad. When he came to the last page, he looked through again. "How the hell couldn't he have broken any rules?!"

"How the hell could you not have written one?" Kankurou asked, not at all concerned with the situation. Who cared? Besides Gaara, obviously.

"I didn't think he'd be crazy enough to do it!" Gaara snapped angrily, glaring at the memo pad as if it were it's fault.

"Come on, Gaara, let it go, it doesn't matter," Kankurou said in a hushed voice, glancing at his younger sister's back where she walked ahead of them, cradling her fan instead of having it in her belt as usual.

"Why not?" Gaara, in all his stupid innocence, asked. He glanced at Temari's back, as well, as if it held the answers.

Kankurou didn't answer at first, giving his sister's back a compassionate look; there was a moment of silence, then he said softly, "It just doesn't."

"Huh?" Gaara raised his semi-not-really-there-eyebrow.

A few paces in front of them, Temari, having heard every word, held her fan tighter, starring at her feet as they moved in a walking-position, without her even telling them to.

**Flashback**

_"Shikamaru, we can't get married," Temari said, looking down at his spiky ponytail as if he were crazy._

_"Yes, we can. We'll buy a hut in the country, and survive off selling air conditioning." He didn't let go._

_"And how are you going to pay for that?" Kibishii asked, thoroughly bewildered by her son's outburst._

_"I'll sell Bambi."_

_"What?!" Kankurou's eyes bulged in the backround._

_"Shikamaru, let go. We can't get married." Temari pushed at his shoulders a little._

_"Yes, we can," he insisted._

_"No, we can't; let go."_

_"No," he insisted. "You're not going anywhere," he added, tightening his grip._

_"Yes, I am," she insisted. "You don't love me enough to ask me to marry you, so let go."_

_"Yes, I do!" he insisted. (Kibishii and Shikato faint briefly) "I wouldn't ask you if I didn't!"_

_"Well, I don't love you, so let go!"_

**End flashback**

Temari closed her eyes against the memories. It always went like that... She always pushed them away... Whenever she had to leave, and she always did... she always pushed them away, so she herself wouldn't get hurt. But she always got hurt anyway, knowing that she'd hurt them. Or, even when she wasn't leaving, she hardly ever let anyone know she cared... It was a habit; if no one knew she cared about them, then when she had to leave eventually, they wouldn't be upset.

But, for some reason, she didn't think that would work this time...

**Flashback**

_"Hey," Shikamaru said out of the corner of his mouth._

_"Huh?" Temari, who was next to him, looked up. "What?"_

_"Trade plates with me," he ordered, pushing his plate towards her._

_Temari's eyes widened for a few moments. "No, that's ok--"_

_"Take it," he ordered, taking her plate anyway and replacing it with his own before his mother could turn around._

**End flashback**

Temari clenched her eyes shut, holding her fan even tighter.

**Flashback**

_"Temari... Temari...? Temari!"_

_"I coming, Mama!" Temari, on her three year old chubby legs, pitter-pattered into the kitchen where her mother was. Her mother was standing with her back to her, before the table. Temari came within two feet of her before, quite suddenly, her legs decided they didn't want to walk anymore, and she fell flat on her face._

_Yasashii turned around at once at her daughter's cry of distress. "Temari? Ohh..." She knelt down to help Temari up. "What happened?"_

_"My wegs hate me!" Temari cried, glaring down at the apendages in question._

_"No, they don't," Yasashii crooned, wiping dust off Temari's small, round face with her sleeve. "They would walk away if they did."_

_Temari gazed up at her mother with absolute adoration. Mama was so smart! She knew _everything. _Temari followed her mother back to the table, holding onto Yasashii's skirt with one hand, and sucking her thumb on the other. She climbed onto a chair and peeked over the edge of the table; she was barely tall enough to see even standing on the chair._

_Her eyes widened at the long, thin, broad-widthed package that reached each end of the table. "What's'at, Mama?" she asked around her thumb._

_Yasashii smiled down at her, patting the package. "That, sweety, is a present for you."_

_"How come I nevew get pwesents?" the four year old Kankurou said loudly, strolling into the kitchen like he owned the place._

_Temari instantly glared at the annoying existence that was her older brother; in her three years of living, she had learned several extremely important things: one; Daddy came home late, two; Mama's brother "Yas-mawoo" was really a boy, and, most important of all: Older brothers were meant to be destroyed._

_Yasashii, however, smiled at Kankurou, grabbing the back of Temari's shirt as the little blonde flew past her in an attempt to get at her brother. "You did get a present, Kanku-kun," she said as Temari flayed in mid-air. "Your new toy."_

_Kankurou looked down at the small, wooden, many-armed doll he held in his hand. "That doesn't count!" he insisted, stuffing the doll behind his back. "You only got me one so I'd stop taking Temawi's!"_

_Yasashii smiled; her 'darling little boy' had not quite gotten to the stage where he could pronounce his 'R's. "Well, this time, it's Temari's turn to get a present. Next will be yours, if you're good."_

_Kankurou instantly smiled his You-Know-You-Love-Me-Now-Show-Me-How-Much smile. "Ok!" He scrambled up into another chair to see what Temari had gotten._

_"Ok, Temari, open it." Yasashii set Temari on the table._

_This statement drew Temari's attention away from killing Kankurou for a while, and she instantly threw herself at the package, ripping and tearing and biting as if it were a live thing. _(SNG at Christmas) _When she finally got most of the wrapping paper off, the momentum from this outburst caused her to roll off the edge of the table, clinging to her present with her entire body. Temari braced herself for the impact of the floor, but it never came; she opened her eyes and looked down._

_"Wow," Kankurou stated._

_The long, thin ...something... was sticking straight up in the floor like a toothpick in a sandwich, with Temari clinging to it koala-style towards the top._

_Temari: 0.o_

_Kankurou: 0.0_

_Yasashii: Smile!_

_"I WANT ONE!"_

_"No," Yasashii said firmly, before Kankurou could make a dive at Temari's present._

_"Huh..?" Kankurou looked up at her with wide, threatening-to-cry eyes. "Why not?"_

_"Because, this is Temari's present." Yasashii shooed Kankurou out of the kitchen. "Why don't you go play with Curly?"_

_Kankurou glared down at his doll. "I don't have enough hands to play with all his awms at once."_

_Yasashii smiled. "I'm sure you'll think of something." She closed the door to the kitchen behind him and turned to smile at Temari where she was still clinging to the present. _

_"Wha' is it?" Temari asked finally._

_"It's a fan. Watch." Yasashii picked Temari off the so-called fan and set her on the table, then yanked the 'fan' out of the floor and pulled it open._

_Temari: O.O_

_"You see?" Yasashii smiled._

_Temari nodded eagerly._

_"There." Yasashii closed the fan and set it on the table, then picked up Temari and held her tightly. "You'll get strong, won't you, Temari?" she said softly against her soft blond hair. "You'll get strong, and you'll make him pay for making me do this, won't you?"_

_"Huh?" Temari looked up at her mother._

_She shook her head. "Nevermind. It's wrong of me to ask you to do that." Yasashii smiled. "You just make sure they both get strong, alright?"_

_"Who?" Poor Temari was dead-confused._

_"You'll take care of them, won't you?" Yasashii whispered in Temari's ear. "Protect them with your fan, won't you?"_

_"Um...Ok?"_

**End flashback**

Temari looked down at the smooth, polished surface of her fan. It had been twelve years since she had made that promise. Since then, she had taken special care of her fan, not just because her mother had given it to her, but because she wanted to protect Kankurou and Gaara. She had worked especially hard to get strong enough to wield her iron fan to it's full potential. People made fun of her for doing 'stupid stuff' and not having a life outside of training, but she hadn't cared.

Well, most of the time.

**Flashback**

_"Temari, what're you doing?" Kankurou asked, peeking into her room._

_"What's it look like?" she snapped, brench-pressing her 50 lbs. weight set._

_"Come, on, Temari, Yamiko's inviting me to her birthday party and she says you can come too!" Kankurou offered._

_"No." Sweat trickled down her forehead._

_"Come on, Temari... You can work out when you get back. It won't be for long..."_

_"I don't want to."_

_"Come on..."_

_"Shut up, already, Kank'rou!" she snapped, setting the weights down and sitting up to glare at him. "Why don't you go work on your doll? Mom gave it to you so you could use it as a weapon! All you do is play with it!"_

_"T-That's not true!" Kankurou snapped, his face getting slightly red._

_"Yeah, it is!" Temari snapped, not caring that her words were hurting him. "You're too lazy to care that she wanted you to get strong! You just go to your stupid party and let me make her happy!"_

**End flashback**

_I really wanted to go with him.... Yamiko was pretty nice... A little flippant and really fair-weather, but still... I wanted to go..._ Temari sighed a barely audible sigh and ran her fingers over the polished surface of her fan. There were no cracks, no scuffs, no smudges, no finger-prints, no stains; the fan got better care then Temari herself did.

"Hey." A heavy arm dropped down on her shoulders.

She glanced up out of the corner of her eye; Kankurou was looking dead-ahead, carefully avoiding not looking at her, despite his arm around her shoulders. "What do you want?" she asked, more gruffly then she had intended.

"You were lying, weren't you?"

"Huh?" Had he been thinking of Yamiko's party, too?

"About not loving him. You were lying, weren't you." It was more a statement then a question.

"I..." She chewed her lip. "I... don't... know...."

"Ok, well, I'm the big brother, so I'm gonna do some big-brothering, ok?" (A/N: I always wanted a big brother... I dunno why but I did... So, when my little brother was born, I was really mad at first, 'cuz I'd been expecting one four years older then myself.)

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Say what?"

"Just listen."

She snorted.

"Your confidence in my ability to big-brother is amazing," he said cooly. On a softer note, he whispered in her ear, "Remember what Mom used to tell us? 'If you're not sure if you love someone, go away for a while, and you'll know.' Remember that?"

"You hid out in your tree-house for five days to see if it'd work on me." Temari nodded.

"Yeah, well... You're going away for a while. So, I guess, somewhere along the lines, you're going to figure it out." He gave her a once-a-blue-moon genuine smile. "Coincidentally..." he added quietly. "I saw this chick back there that I'd personally like to see again..."

Temari smirked. "Sure. Like she'd like _you_."

"Hey! I big-brother, and that's the thanks I get?!"

"Well, yah."

Kankurou dropped his arm, pushed her away, feigning annoyance. "Ok, I see how it is. You sort out your own emotional disputes next time, ya dork."

"Ok, I will."

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"FINE!"

"Everything is fine, will you shut up?!" Gaara snapped from where he was walking in the rear.

"...Yeah, ok."

* * *

Omigawd, Kan-kun's a PIMP!

Kankurou: I am not!

Gaara: Who was that chick, then???

Oh yeah, that was Kyu... I told you she would pop up sometime or other. Ha ha, I forgot!

Kankurou: See?? I dated ONE GIRL in my life, and I MARRIED her. I am NOT a pimp!

Kyu: You better not be.


	17. When You're Sure

**Genius In Love

* * *

**

**Chapter Seventeen: When You're Sure**

Temari starred up at the tall, sand-colored gates of Sunaga. For fifteen years, she had called the village 'home.' For fifteen years, the sight of those gates would give her a feeling of assurance and happiness, even if the village behind the gates had never welcomed her. But, now... It felt as if she were visiting somewhere foreign, a place she hadn't been in years... This place wasn't home for her anymore... Her home was in Konoha...

Temari shut her eyes and shook her head in an attempt to shake the images out. _Don't think about that... Don't even let it enter your mind!_

"...ri?"

Temari looked up when she caught the tail-end of her name. Kankurou was standing next to her, giving her a weird look. "We're here," he stated. "Let's go in."

She nodded, following her brothers into the village. They were not welcomed; there wasn't any cheering; there were scowls of hatred and murmurs of disapproval; that was wall. But the three Sand siblings were used to it; it was a natural balance: the villagers hated the Sand siblings, and the Sand siblings, in turn, hated the villagers. It had been that way for as long as anyone could remember, and no one was in any hurry to change it.

Gaara led the way through the village to the temple, where they had been instructed to go to as soon as they arrived, to meet and be chastised by the stand-in Kazekage. Of course, the same question was running through all three of their minds: _Who was the stand-in Kazekage?_

They soon found out.

"Sit," Baki ordered them, pointing to the three sitting pillows laid out for them.

Temari's jaw dropped. "Baki-sensei?!"

Baki shot her a cold look. "You will refer to me as 'Kazekage-sama' in every sentence."

Kankurou raised an eyebrow at his sister's rebuke; this was getting to be a little ridiculous. "But you're _not_ the Kazekage," he pointed out to his former teacher. "You're just the stand-in."

Baki scoffed. "Che. That's not the point." He shook himself slightly, and went back to the original purpose of the meeting. "Do you know why you're here?"

"We did an 'oops'?"

Sweatdrop. "Yes, Kankurou, you did an 'oops.' Although your return-date was not specified, it is common knowledge that a squad is to report immediately to their respective village as soon as the mission is complete."

"Coulda fooled us," Kankurou said in an annoyed voice, starring at the wall.

Baki started to get angry at the boy's insolence, then just rolled his eyes and glanced at Temari; since when did Temari leave all the questions to Kankurou? Normally, she was the first to ask questions and the first to contradict what he said. He shrugged it off, however, and continued. "As punishment for staying in Konoha for _four months,_" he emphasized, "the three of you will be placed under house arrest until further notice."

Kankurou's jaw dropped. "That's not fair!"

"I happen to think it is." Baki smirked. "That's all. You may go."

The three stalked out of the room, Kankurou grumbling loudly and very audibly. "Who does he think he is?! He can't put us under house arrest! He's not even the Kazekage! He's not even our teacher anymore! Just because we didn't come home right away doesn't give them the right to punish us! I wish a _building _would fall on him! I wish that Tenten girl would use him for _target practice_! I wish..."

**(Ten minutes later, at the Sand Sibling's house)**

"...I wish the woman's varsity soccer team would use him as the _ball_! I wish he would get stung by a fifty-pound _bee_! I wish–"

"What? A steam-roller would rolled over him?" Gaara rolled his eyes, thoroughly annoyed by his brother's entire presence by this time.

Kankurou rolled his eyes. "Grow up, Gaara."

Gaara rolled his eyes again, getting up and going up to his room.

**(Three hours later)**

"Kankurou!" Gaara slammed open the door to his older brother's room.

"Nn..." Kankurou rolled over, going back to sleep.

"Kankurou!" Gaara yanked him up into a sitting position. "Temari's gone!"

"Huh...?" Kankurou had a "Duh..." look on his face, still half asleep.

"She ran away!"

"Huh...?"

"The village is empty, void, incomplete, totally vacant of Temaris!"

"Huh...?"

Gaara rolled his eyes and went back into Temari's room which was, true enough, totally vacant. Going to her book case, he pulled out _Temari's Dictionary of My Friend's Languages_ and began paging through, looking for a page for _Kankurou. _The book went in no general order, he noticed, and he had passed _Naruto_ (which contained a lot of the words "ramen" and "Hokage") and _Neji _(which consisted mainly of "..." and "fate") and _Shino_ (which consisted only of _"..."_) and himself (which also consisted of a lot of "...") before finally finding the page dedicated to Kankurou. Scanning down the page, he found what he was looking for and went back into Kankurou's room.

"She's _missing_!"

"What?!" Kankurou snapped up into a sitting position.

If Gaara had been one to fall over anime-style, he would have.

**(Meanwhile, in Konoha)**

Shikamaru sighed hugely, starring out his window; it hadn't even been a whole day since the Sand siblings had left, and already he was feeling lonely.

Let's just say, Rejection is a stone-cold bitch.

**Flashback**

"_Well, I don't love you, so let go!"_

**End flashback**

Shikamaru winced, remembering. _Damn you, Temari... _Damn _you._

"Shikamaru!" his mother called. "Come downstairs for dinner!"

Shikamaru groaned loudly and dragged himself away from his window at a snail's pace.

"Shikamaru!"

"I'm coming!" Shikamaru sighed and went downstairs. You'd think a caring parent would be a little more kindly towards her son once he was rejected, huh?

Dinner was a quiet occasion; there was nothing to talk about, and Shikato and Kibishii didn't dare talk about the Sand siblings' departure... they weren't that careless.

Knock, knock.

Kibishii stood up at once, going to the door. Shikamaru sighed, pushing his rice around his play with his chopsticks. His mom was so skittish tonight, jumping up every chance she got, to get out of the room.

Kibishii came back a minute or so later, an odd expression on her face. "Shikamaru..." She stepped away from the doorway.

Shikamaru looked up.

His jaw dropped.

"Hi, Shikamaru," Temari said meekly.

**(Meanwhile)**

Ino sighed happily, stretching her arms out above her head. It was such a nice day! The sun was shining, the wind was breezing, the birds... well, actually, the birds had shut up after Sasuke threw a rock at them in irritation. But it was a wonderful day to be alive!

"Wait up," Chouji called, walking a few paces behind her, munching on chips.

Ino turned and gave him a sigh. "Why did you have to gain back all that weight, ne? You being skinny just proved my point that girls will like you more!"

"Yeah, but girls are scary!" Chouji shivered. "Besides, I can't use my Jutsus without my weight." He munched down on chips.

Ino chose not to comment, for once, and instead turned to the gates, which stood open, as they passed.

Now, Ino was a very gifted girl, even if she only knew one Jutsu. So what if she only knew one Jutsu? That Jutsu rocked, dammit! I'd like to see you stand up to it!

Kyuubi: (smacks SNG for getting off topic)

Anyway! Ino had something far better then a Jutsu. Oh, yes... Something much better.

Ino had fan-girl eyes.

Ino had fan-girl eyes trained to seek out her darling Sasuke-kun through a crowd of random, dark haired people.

Ino had fan-gurl eyes that could see her darling Sasuke-kun a mile away, thus enabling her to approach and attack before he had time to react.

You get it.

She had good eyesight.

So, obviously, she saw something a quarter of a mile away that Chouji couldn't even begin to see.

"Those Sand guys are back!" she cried, shading her eyes with her hand.

"..Huh?" Chouji looked out the gate. "Where?"

"Right there!" Ino pointed.

Chouji looked where she was pointing. "Ino, there's nothing there..."

"Yes, there is!"

"How can you be so sure?"

"Just watch! They'll be here, you'll see!"

"Ok." The two of them plopped down in the middle of the gates, starring at the spot where Ino had pointed, waiting.

And waiting.

And waiting.

And waiting.

And waiting.

And waiting.

**(Insert five minute's worth of "And waiting")**

"Well, so they are," Chouji said casually as Kankurou and Gaara walked past.

"I told you!"

"I know."

"But you didn't believe me!"

"Aw... my chips are gone..."

"This is the weirdest village we've ever been in, I swear," Kankurou said to Gaara as they walked away.

"..."

* * *

Waaah1 I'm sorry it was so short! I have no inspiration! Please don't hate me!

But I do have spell-check now, that's always a plus.

Ok, anyway... I'm putting this in all my current fics, so pay attention! I NEED YOU TO VOTE FOR MY NEXT FIC!

Yeah, that's right. I've stooped so low that I can't even think of my own fics anymore. SIGH.

I need you to vote for your favorite Naruto guy! (You can vote up to three times, I decided, since some people have mixed opinions)

PLEASE VOTE! I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE!


	18. Now Do You Believe?

**Genius In Love**

Hi! Welcome to the very last chapter of Genius In Love!

Yes, I said last.

What, you don't believe me? Fine, be disappointed.

Thank you so very, very much to everyone who voted for my new fic! The fic is officially posted now (and happens to be rather popular) and it's called _Crimson Love._ The pairings? An Ita-Shiz-Neji triangle (HELL YEAH! NEJI AND ITACHI LOVIN' IN ONE FIC!) and Sas-Saku-Ukon triangle.

Now, you gotta go read it just from hearing the fact that Ukon's in Sakura's love triangle, man.

If you're disappointed that your character didn't get a pairing, don't be! Everyone will get a pairing eventually (when I say 'eventually', I mean, when I'm totally out of inspiration) (just kidding)! I hope everyone enjoys watching me torment their favorite character's hearts!

If you're wondering how the votes polled up, well, here you go!

Neji: 8

Itachi: 7

Gaara: 4

Kakashi: 2

Naruto: 2

Haku: 1

Shino: 1

Lee: 1

Iruka (!): 1

Shukaku-sama: 1

* * *

**Chapter 18: Now Do You Believe?**

Shikamaru continued to stare at Temari. Shikato and Kibishii looked from one to the other, waiting for someone to say something. _They_ had a pretty good idea of what was going on, they were just waiting for the results.

Finally, Shikamaru spoke. "What are you doing here?" It was a question spoken coldly, or angrily; it was a question born from mortal confusion.

"I came to say that... um..." Temari glanced at Shikato and Kibishii.

Shikamaru, taking the hint, turned to his parents and said, "Mom, Dad, can we talk?"

"Oh, sure, son, sure." Shikato waved it off.

"...Me and Temari, Dad, not me and you guys."

"...?" Shikato raised an eyebrow.

Kibishii, being Kibishii, knew her husband wasn't going to figure this out any time soon, so she dragged him bodily out of the kitchen, giving Shikamaru and Temari knowing smiles as she did.

Shikamaru turned back to Temari once his parents were gone. "...Yes?"

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry," she said quietly.

There was a long silence.

Five minutes worth of long silence. And when you're getting starred at, that's a pretty long time. And Temari was being starred at.

A starred-at Temari is never a happy Temari. And a happy Temari never babbles. But an unhappy Temari does.

And so, babble she did. "I'm sorry, ok, I didn't mean it, but I said it anyway because I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say, and then Kankurou said I shouldn't have until I was sure but then my mom said I should take care of them and I really wanted to because, well, they're... you know. And then the tree house, and house arrest, and Baki is Kazekage and... and I'm just really sorry, ok!"

"Um... Temari how long have you gone without sleep?"

"I'm serious, ok! I'm sorry!"

"Um... Ok, let's take this one step at a time..." Shikamaru rubbed his temples as she sat down in Kibishii's vacant chair. "Uh... There's a tree house... and... Um, who's Baki?"

"My old sensei," she answered.

"Ok... um..." He rubbed his temples; he could feel a headache coming on from taking in this much information and not having it made clear. "Ok, I'm confused, what are you talking about?"

So, taking a deep breath, she told him.

And told him.

And told him.

And told him.

And told him.

And told him.

**(Insert twenty minute's worth of "And told him")**

And told him, until he finally understood.

Shikamaru surprised himself, he'd actually been able to remain fully awake throughout that entire explanation.

Temari sat patiently, waiting for him to comment.

"Um... Oh?"

**(Meanwhile)**

"What do you mean, you don't know where they are!" Baki shouted at the group of ANBU he'd assigned to watch the Sand nin siblings' house.

"They aren't in the house, sir," the ANBU captain answered.

"How could they not be in the house! Your squad was supposed to watch them twenty-four seven!"

"Yes, sir, but the girl, Temari, ran away and somehow got past our guards, and, with all due respect, trying to contain Gaara is like trying to contain smoke with your bare hands."

Baki glared, pulling at his hat (since no one is sure if he has hair) and being totally frustrated. The ANBU were not in the least bit concerned; they, personally, thought that the job of being Kazekage had gone to Baki's head, and that the house arrest punishment was rather severe. If one were to have stopped by the Sand siblings' house the previous night, one would have seen the ANBU captain himself stepping to the side with a bow for Temari to pass.

The part about Gaara threatening to squish them, however, had been true.

"Sir, it's possible they went back to Konoha, isn't it?" suggested one of Baki's assistants (that wasn't really his assistant, since he wasn't Kazekage, but oh well).

Baki nodded, deciding that this was true (how did he get this job?) and turning back to the ANBU. "_Find_ them! Now!"

They nodded, disappearing in a burst of smoke.

**(Meanwhile, somewhere in Konoha...)**

"How can you not know where the kid's house is!"

"I never said I did."

"Well then what do you do all night!"

"...I make sand castles."

**(Hokage office)**

Tsunade raised an eyebrow at the four sand ANBU standing in her office. They, like the smart little ANBU they were, had gone straight to the Hokage office once they reached the village, and asked if she had seen any sand nins running around. "They went home after your village called them back," she answered, mechanically signing some papers.

"And then they ran away again, Lady Hokage," the ANBU captain answered. "We think they might have come back here."

Tsunade sighed, stamping some pieces of paper with the Konoha seal (do they actually have one?). "The only place I could picture them going to is the Nara residence. That's where they stayed for the duration of their previous stay. If you find them there, please inform me and bring them back here."

The ANBU nodded, disappearing in a puff of smoke (again).

**(Meanwhile)**

"Wait, you ran away?" This piece of news had only just sunk into Shikamaru.

"..Yeah?"

"I thought you were under house arrest..."

"The ANBU members knew me," she said with a shrug. "They just said 'have a safe trip' and 'don't do anything I wouldn't do' and stepped aside."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, wondering if this was what the state of the Konoha ANBU had been in when Kakashi had been a part of it.

Kibishii came in again, looking miffed. "Shikamaru, there are some ANBU members here to speak with you. What did you do now? Get drunk with your father and wallow in so-called misery?"

"...Eh?"

Kibishii stepped back (there's a lot of repeated actions in here, isn't there?) to let a squad of Sand ANBU into the kitchen. Temari waved. "Hey, guys!"

The ANBU captain faltered at the door of the kitchen; they couldn't see the expression on his face, due to the mask, but they knew what he was thinking when he asked, "Temari-dono... why are you so... bouncy?"

"I'm not!" Temari chirped, munching on the bag of Sun Chips she had on the table in front of her.

The ANBU turned to look at each other, then at Temari. "Er... Tsunade-dono asked us to bring you to her office if we found you," the captain said finally. "Do you know where your brothers are?"

"My brothers are here?" Temari raised an eyebrow.

"...That answers that question." The captain, whose name will now be George, sighed. "Please come with us, Temari-dono."

Temari sighed. "Ok, ok..."

**(Hokage office)**

When they reached the Hokage's office, they (which entitled to Temari, Shikamaru, Shikamaru's parents, the ANBU, and anything else they might have picked up) found the 'young' Hokage on the phone, looking pissed.

"Well you know what, that's too damn bad!" Tsunade was shouting into the phone, ignoring their presence. "They like my village better and I'm gonna keep 'em, so suck on that, Fish lips!" She slammed the phone down and turned to smile sweetly at them. "Good, you found... Ok, you found one of them, but that's still good."

"Thank you, Tsunade-dono," George said, bowing.

Tsunade sighed slightly, going into Hokage-the-serious mode. "Temari, I can't exactly say that your choice to run away was the best one you could have made in that situation."

"He put us under house arrest!" the sand girl cried.

"Yeah, he told me." Tsunade gestured to the phone. "But still... you shouldn't have run away."

"But I–"

"Let me finish," Tsunade said firmly. Temari fell silent. "I said I didn't agree with your decision, but I also don't agree with his desicion, either. Baki had no right to call you back, even if he was the Kazekage stand-in. Sunaga law stats that no one but the Kazekage himself can place people under house arrest, and not for something like staying in a village too long." Tsunade smiled, as if this were good news.

Temari sighed. "Tsunade-sama, you lost me."

"It means that he wasn't within his rights, so you technically weren't under house arrest," Shikamaru said in a bored voice. (Does Shikamaru actually have another tone other then 'bored out of your mind'?)

"That asshole!" Temari cried, gripping her fan. (Reflex)

"Yes… Indeed." Tsunade didn't seem all that phased by Temari's choice of words. She shuffled a few documents on her desk. "Now, as I understand it, the three of you were already put on probation by the council for…" She checked a piece of paper. "Kankurou, for attacking people who called him a fat ass… Gaara put himself on probation to repent and you're on for…" She raised an eyebrow. "Whacking people with your fan and repeated attempts at eye-gouging and scrotem-crushing."

Shikamaru twitched.

"Well, those people in Sunaga are nasty!" Temari cried.

"Anyway, getting to the point, the Sunaga council has asked that the three of you stay here until further notice, to receive psychological treatment and—"

"Stay here?" Temari repeated excitedly. "As in, permanently?"

"As in, until the Sunaga council decides you're done with you treatment."

Shikamaru yelped slightly as Temari suddenly leaped at him, throwing her arms around his neck. "You hear that, Shika-kun? We can stay!"

…_Shika-kun? _"Yeah, that's great," he said with a grin.

"My assistants will show you to your temporary living quarters," Tsunade said, giving Temari a piece of paper with an address. "And, George," she added, "can you see what you can do about finding Gaara and Kankurou?"

"Sure, Tsunade-dono."

**(Meanwhile, in the forest)**

"These are the Leaf brat's woods," Kankurou said in an annoyed voice, looking around. "I remember clinging to that tree."

"K-K-K-K—"

"Actually, it's a really good climbing tree, had nice branches to sit on."

"K-K-K-K-Kankurou…" Gaara tugged on Kankurou's sleave.

"What?" Kankurou turned.

He raised an eyebrow.

(Shukaku: **HOLY SHIT!**)

"ROAR!" the innocent woodland creatures said, coming at Gaara and Kankurou with their claws and teeth barred.

"AAAAAARRRRGGHHHH!" Gaara screamed, running up the side of the tree and dragging Kankurou with him.

Gaara looked down as he clung to the tree koala-style with Kankurou sitting on the branch next to him.

"_Now_ do you believe?" Kankurou snapped at the twitching Gaara.

**The End

* * *

**

Well, actually, no, it's not the end. If you want to know what happens, go read _A Night To Remember._

* * *

OK, review answers... (looks at inbox) Gah-roan! This is gonna take a while...

**Dragonman180:** That would probably be a really weird fic, and I'm already getting ideas. Maybe when I don't have four fics going at the same time, I'll get down to writing it, ne?

**KageNoKatana: **Yeah, you were the only one who voted for him. Lol. Sorry, Shukaku-sama! SAVE THE BAGELS!

**Jazzywolf: **I saw that coming. Ya home-wrecker.

**Kie-san: **Yeah, sorry it was so short... This one is pretty short, too... but can you blame me if I have zip inspiration?

**Demonslayer:** Lol, ok, ty!

**Jmj102:** Neji rocks! Hell yeah! I love him (and Itachi) so much!

**SilentAdaon: **Sob, sob, I have no idea how to answer to the voting questions now, since I already started the new fic... Just... yeah, ty for review...

**Esther: **My step sister agrees with you in his hotness... Um.. Yeah ok, ty?

**Crazyme89: **Ok, first of all, Sasuke SUCKS, do you hear me, SUCKS! (H-R: he needs to be boiled in a pot of stale ketchup) Second of all, I don't have AIM anymore. Third of all, you're welcome. :)

**uchihasasuke161616: **SASUKE SUCKS! Neji rocks! Shikamaru is... er... not my weapon of choice, but you know what, it's all good.

**Cyberwing: **NEJI IS AWESOME! (Glomps him)

**Sarehptar: **Ok, here be the update. Neji rocks! Hell yeah! I'm glad you liked it!

**Elbereth** **In April: **Shika-Temari rocks! INO-SHIKA MUST DIE! Lol, ty!

**HinatasBiggestFanBoy: **Question mark?


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